Thursday 29th October 2020
I wake after a disturbed nights sleep still feeling tired, I don’t pick my iPad up or my phone, I make a cup of tea listening to the morning news in the background as I make the bed. I then sort myself out for our morning walk…today is going to be a wet one as the rain is pouring and the wind is blowing. Again I am not phased by the dismal weather as I am just glad to be outside in the fresh air.
Me, Toby and Charlie have our rain attire on as we walk up towards the beach. The rain is blowing in our faces…Toby and Charlie are fine they have a fur coat covering their face…mine is bare, well it was the last time I looked!
The combination of the wind and rain against my face is icy cold. The rain is hitting us with some force now and I can hear the rain drops battering against me as they hit my coat and smother my face in the icy cold rain. I’m outside in the fresh air and I really don’t care!
Back home to the warmth. We all dry off and I make a hot drink which I sit sipping and thinking about how I feel. I am so tired of feeling rubbish, I have been like this on and off for weeks now…bloody headaches! Feeling Nauseous ! Fatigue!
I get changed out of my dog walking attire with the thoughts going around in my head what to do for the best, I’m not one to saying No! I always try my best to accommodate…but I am just to weary at the moment.
I have a zoom meeting at 11am Watercolour painting with Frannie and I really really enjoy doing the painting, it’s something new and it’s relaxing. The fatigue, nausea and headaches are taking all the enjoyment away at the moment as I am finding concentration hard.
I put my smile on join the meeting telling people that I am ok when I’m not…I think most of us do that! The false smile! I sit making notes, as what is being said won’t stay in my head, it will just disappear. I am joining in the painting but after 30 minutes my head is starting to ache from the concentration and by the end I am feeling rubbish.
I make myself a cup of sweet tea and something to eat and that’s when I realise…I simply can not carry on with all these zooms, I begin by email 3 of the groups that I won’t be joining for a while. This was not an easy decision and I am so sad, but I simply have to take time for myself …sometimes I / we all forget I do have dementia.
I will do the meetings and the crafting session that have been already booked in as I never let people down, but I will not be taking on anything else until I have had a good break and some me time.
So it’s less screen time!
More Me Time!
After lunch I finish of sending my emails, turn the TV off, put my phone and iPad to one side and sit in my comfy chair….no background noise from the TV or radio, just the rain on the windows and the wind whistling down the chimney. I sit take a deep breath and just close my eyes, taking in the calmness, just to actually sit…just sit and do nothing until hubby walks through the door absolutely wet through…soaked to the skin. A posties job is not a good one when it been a day like today with relentless rain.
So it’s been a relaxing afternoon of nothingness.