Thursday 4th March 2021

Day 60 of Lockdown

I have had some really good days this week, with my sidekick behaving himself!

So this morning I don’t sit with my pad going through social media like I normally do, I get dressed and set of too the park.

I missed my camera yesterday, so today I definitely need a camera day today!

As I reach the gates to the park I see a notice and the gates are padlocked.

Oh no I had forgotten because of the cases of Avian flue they have closed off all the ponds to visitors, so what do I do now?

I had read that there was a nearby wood but wasn’t sure where about it was.

I set off walking in the direction of where I think the woods are situated and find a pathway. It looks very quiet and at this early hour I’m a little nervous about entering. Its the unknown …something new and I’m not too sure where I’m going…also I have just realised I have forgotten my phone, as I reach inside my pocket!

I’m not in the woods long before I’m clicking away with my camera and feeling more relaxed.

I hear someone approaching and then a good morning, as I turn round there is a man with a rucksack and lots of fancy camera gear, we exchange pleasantries and I explain I’m new to the camera world.

He commends me on the choice of camera, as he sets his tripod, camera and extensive lenses up! ” you don’t need all this sh**e ” and laughs!

He tells me that there is an area further up into the woods for some good photos. I thank him and say goodbye.

I wander deeper into the woods listening to all the different birds, I hear a woodpecker but can’t see him today.

Squirrels are jumping from tree to tree, running along the branches like little acrobats

Great Tit swooped down picking up food before darting of to a nearby tree branch.

Followed by Nuthatches, woo not seen one of those before.

It’s another hold my breath moment as I always get so excited when I spot something I haven’t captured before. These little birds are so quick!

Then came the shrieks, I knew it was the parakeets and I was right, there right above me.

He was way up in the tree hanging upside down, almost as if he was watching me!

The light was not good, but I did manage to capture one or two photo

I got a little carried away capturing the parakeets, just mesmerising watching them.

I set off walking again as Toby is getting fed up of all the stopping and starting.

I’m on a different path now and there is a figure of a soldier through the trees, wow that looks so real.

With the umbrella of trees the grey sky’s and the silence, it was a little eerie.

This Pillbox (Military Bunker) was constructed during the early years of WWII in 1940 and was designated as a lookout post to defend the former Stanley Park Municipal Airport which had opened in 1931.

The Municipal airport was situated where Blackpool Zoo now stands.

It’s amazing what you find right on your very own doorstep!

I start to retrace my steps back the way I came, staying on the same pathway. I’m still clicking away with my camera as I spy some Long Tail Tits ( not captured one of those before)

How cute are these little birds !

I’m always excited to find and photograph something different, something new.

I didn’t know half of these birds existed so close to my home. I’m getting quite hooked!

Even the trees are interesting

Little squirrel running through the undergrowth

Out of the woods, me and Toby walk pass the park, I manage to get the lense of the camera through the railings of the park…I just wanted to capture a few more photos before we set off for home.

Mr Shoveler Duck

Cormorant with some Geese in the background

Cormorant in the tree, having a good old stretch!

Can’t resist a Swan photo

My morning walk is complete ❤️

Home time to sit with a hot chocolate, upload all my photos and delete the rubbish ones…there are plenty of those! What really matters is that I have been able to get out walking and spending time in the fresh air …it’s a bonus when I capture a photo, especially when it’s something new.

Wednesday 3rd March 2021

Day 59 of Lockdown

My day starts at 5am as I roll out of bed, don’t know what the weather is like today as it is far too dark to tell.

I feed the dogs…they are always excited to see me, especially in a morning.

Flick is the only one who doesn’t greet me…she is still fast asleep, curled up, all warm and cosy in her bed. She is hard of hearing now, so hasn’t heard the other 2 dogs, running down the hall into the kitchen. They are that excited that their whole bodies waggle along with their tails, their tails wag so fast it causes a draft and the odd drumming noise as they hit the kitchen unit doors.

I have reminders on my notice board, things to do pad and my phone…Eddie’s 9th Birthday!

Eddie is my grandson, he is a right little character always joking around and most of the time has everyone in stitches with what comes out of his mouth

Just one story that sticks in my head was a conversation about what to have for tea

Beans on toast was mentioned.

Eddie’s response was ” No that’s a peasants tea” 😂

There are so many funny stories, but I just can’t remember them.

With the dogs all sorted, cup of tea in hand I make my way to my chair in the living room to start writing my blog.

I have a busy day of Zooming today so out for my walk early

7am me, Toby and Charlie are on the beach, it’s a very Misty beach indeed today

Vision and light is not good for photos

I manage to spot some Oysters Catchers hiding in the rocks

Always seagulls around on and off the beach

Young seagull below

Not a very successful day for photos at all.

On my way home there is a Robin

Little blackbird in the bushes, looking quite cozy

I take some flowers from around the house, just for a little colour really as everything seems so grey today.

I join my morning zoom meetings with lots of happy faces all waving, then we all get into the discussions.

By lunch time I’m tired, so lunch and a couple of hours break before my next zoom.

Time to recuperate…no not me I’m on the computer typing up a talk I will be giving next week. Well at least I’m making a start, at the moment I keep reading through and making changes.

I enjoy talking as long as I have plenty of time to prepare. I can get a little anxious but once I have got into the flow of things I settle down and enjoy.

After spending an hour or so, time to give myself a break before my next zoom at 3pm

The 3pm Zoom is regarding the Time and Place Poetry Project that I was lucky to be involved in.

A wonderful poetry book was created…all the poems in the book where created by people who are living with dementia.

I suppose the group inspired one another to write.

I know for me i started to write poetry when I was first diagnosed with dementia, it was a way of expressing my anger and frustrations. As I found the whole experience of the diagnosis process stressful and intrusive. Very negative indeed!

So every time I had a bad experience I would write a poem to get my anger out, I found that the writing helped.

So when I was given the chance to join this poetry group I jumped at the chance.

I wanted to learn more about poems and poetry.

The poetry group was brilliant bringing people together with and without dementia. It was Keith, Liz and Jess that made this happen

All the poets in this book are living with a diagnosis of dementia.

We must not forget the people whom supported and assisted us as these people where young students from universities and where amazing. Not only were they carrying out their own work and studies, they gave their valuable time to help us.

There are also some wonderful illustrations in the book by Frances whom also is living with dementia.

This book just shows you, what people with dementia are capable of.

There are some fantastic poems.

You can purchase the book on Amazon and Waterstones £4.99

Never thought my poems would be published in a book with so many other inspirational people’s poems.

So Proud to be part of the project! 😊

So after a busy day of Zoom, it’s time for Birthday Celebration FaceTime with my Grandson Eddie, a few laughs and giggles with family is a great way to wind down from the busy day of zoom.

My grandson has been spoiled and is having a good Birthday!

So all is good

Nice positive end to the day😊

Tuesday 2nd March 2021

Day 58 of Lockdown

This morning I missed the sunrise…I was fast asleep. I was so tired, must have been the early woodland walk yesterday that has knocked me out.

I wanted to go for a woodland walk this morning, but that was not to be, never mind there will be other days.

I suppose I could still go, but as time goes on and it gets later in the morning, it also gets busier, so I am torn between an early food shop or an early walk and today the food shop wins.

There is no way I am going into the shops after 9am, the Main Street will be heaving. More so as the weather is beautiful and sunny again.

So shopping done.

Little accident in the supermarket…I sort of squatted / bent down to get something from the bottom shelf…my balance went and I ended up on the floor!

You know when you know there are people around you, but you don’t want to look, just in case anyone has seen you fall…That was definitely me this morning!

I’m laughing to myself writing my blog as I must have looked a right sight! I bet people thought I was drunk! No one came to help me …so either no one saw or they walked passed in disgust! ha! ha!

My walk is much later this morning, as me and Toby head off to the Nature Reserve. Why can’t people respect that it is a nature reserve with lots of breeding birds at the moment.

It makes me so angry when people let their dogs chase the ducks and birds, do they not realise how much stress they are causing to the wildlife…I glared at people this morning and most probably shook my head, I was also mumbling a few strong words under my breath.

This morning I spy another new bird…all excited as I zoom in with my camera hold my breath and wow there is a Great Crested Grebe sat on her nest.

I can breathe again once I have captured…I swear I could pass out one day! I need to breath when taking photos!

Home I feel a sense of achievement, I always do when capturing a good photo, or a different subject. It’s a definite feel good factor as I look through my photos. What always surprises me, is that some of the photos I can’t even remember taking. So the elation when I’m scrolling through the 50+ photos…it’s just amazing…it’s like I have relived my walk, or is it a new walk? In my head it is exactly that …A New Walk!

So my walk today started at the pond on the Nature Reserve

Mr & Mrs Duck setting up nest together

Then the Swans came…I’m sure they know I always feed them now

We walk around the Reserve taking in some of the views

I was very angry when quite a few people where letting their dogs chase the ducks!

Because it’s breeding season all the ducks are finding their mates, so there is a little rivalry between drakes.

As I cross the bridge, over in the distance I spy some ducks huddled together

Then just a little further down the pond I see something moving…woo what’s that! I zoom in with my camera.

To my surprise a Great Crested Grebe, woo not seen one of those on the Reserve before, so I was a little excited to say the least.

I’m stretching over the grasses and fence to try and zoom in closer with my camera… oh how I wish I was a foot taller!

It has been a beautiful sunny day, a little chilly, but lovely and bright.

As usual by late afternoon tiredness kicks in as I finish writing my blog.

Monday 1st March 2021

Day 57 of Lockdown

Wow 1st of March and this morning we are all up very early before 6am

It is a foggy morning and we are going for a woodland walk to try and capture something different.

I’m so excited, you would think I was going on a day trip! I wish!

A couple of hours in the woods with my hubby and camera suits me just fine.

Wow it’s foggy this morning foggier than we thought, it brings an eeriness with it and also a chill.

We can hear woodpecker knocking on the trees in the distance.

We walk through a wooded area and you can hear all the birds singing…so tranquil …so calm.

I made a short recording of bird song before some cyclists came wizzing passed.

If you click the link below you should be able to hear the birds

if I have uploaded correctly😊

new-recording-65.m4a

Camera at the ready as little birds darting from tree to tree, they are so hard to capture as my brain and fingers don’t move fast enough to set the focus on the camera. When I do capture it’s pure elation!

We walk a little further deeper into the woodlands, we can hear the birds but they are not settling for me this morning.

Mr Blackbird hiding in the tree branches

There is always a friendly little Robin around

And then 2 Robins join us on our walk

I always have bird food with me, so it’s no wonder they follow.

Thumper Joins us, but only for a short while…as soon as he spots us he’s off into the undergrowth.

I manage to capture swans flying in the mist

We come out of the woodland and join the path again. Mrs Duck on her own just waddling down the road

With the bulls mooing away in a field at the side of the track

I’m not too sure on these fellas, they don’t exactly look the friendly type, perhaps it’s to early for them

A little Bullfinch below always excitement when there is a different bird breed

Snowdrops growing in the hollow of a tree

Different fungi and moss around on the trees and logs

Such a beautiful walk, capturing a foggy morning.

The day turns out to be beautiful and sunny later, I’m quite tired from all the walking so sit in the window of our house in the sun, where it is lovely and warm as the suns rays cover my face with brightness.

Join The Zoomettes at 5pm for a quick visit, then time to put my feet up.

Friday 26th February 2021

Day 54 of Lockdown

I was absolutely shattered by the end of the day yesterday from all the walking and taking photos, such an enjoyable day.

I did do a little too much…it was the weather, I needed to make the most of the sunshine. I was like an over exited child for most of the day. I do forget to take things slowly, I do forget for a short time that I have dementia when I’m having a good day.

I have an unsettled night waking quite a few times…an hour here and a couple of hours there, so this morning I am very tired. The thought of walking doesn’t excite me the same this morning as my legs and feet are still aching from yesterday’s brilliant day.

I check my walking data app on my phone as I am (can’t think of the word)

wow I did 13,153 steps yesterday, which is just short of 6 miles no wonder my legs are tired, my average is around 3.5 – 4 miles.

At 7am out for my early morning walk, it will only be a short one today, just up to the beach.

I stand for quite a while watching a baby seagull playing with a ball, I’m chuckling to my self, as the seagull picks the ball up with his beak and try’s throwing it, rolling it, so comical to watch.

Moving on down the beach the Sun is rising at the back of me and the Moon is going down out at sea

Looks like another beautiful sunny day ahead

Back home that will be it for walking today, the rest of my day will be spent at home.

A little outside window cleaning to be done.

Plenty of air traffic around today

A zoom meeting at 3pm and then that’s it for me today.

Saturday 27th February 2021

Day 55 of Lockdown

Woke just before 6am, woo it feels chilly this morning…looking out of the windows there are a few clouds around too. I’m contemplating going to the nature reserve but don’t know if I will have enough time before my appointment at 8.40am for my Covid Injection.

I decide to go to the Nature Reserve, I am so glad I did as I get quite close to a beautiful Heron

He moves around the pond…I slowly follow trying not to startle him

Then some gulls swoop down trying to attack, so off he fly’s

I try to capture but wasn’t quick enough, so a blurry photo

Always something different to see if you really take the time to look around you

I can’t resist a swan photo

I was that fixated on the Heron I think I missed the sun rising, i don’t think it was a good one as there was a band of cloud this morning.

Home time for a quick change and off for my Covid Injection

I arrived at Thornton Little Theatre…the venue that has been set up as a vaccination centre in our area. Very well organised

1. Give my name on arrival
2. Temperature taken
3. Shown where to cue ( not waiting long at all )
4. Shown to cubicle, where everything is explained and I answer a few medical questions
5. Injection done, card given with vaccine, batch number and date
6. Shown to waiting area, slip of paper given with time I can leave ( after 15 mins)

Very organised, very clean…well done NHS😊

Back home, time for a cup of tea and upload my photos from my morning walk.

I have a quick FaceTime with Chris before hubby home for lunch.

As the day goes on, I’m feeling a little tired and my arm is a little sore and heavy, but don’t feel bad at all…I know some people have suffered with side effects so I’m keeping my fingers crossed I will be ok.

I miss the sunset as I am far too tired to walk up to the beach this evening, so I took this beautiful orange sky from my window. Lovely warm colours to end the day.

Sunday 28th February 2021

Day 56 of Lockdown

I was in bed early last night with a bad head…was it the Covid injection or just my dementia, who knows! Not really bothered because I had a decent nights sleep.

I woke the odd time briefly when I had rolled over on to my arm and it was sore, but apart from that I’m not suffering from any bad side affects, just perhaps feeling a little lethargic.

I am still out for my morning walk, this morning Hubby joining us.

It’s a glorious morning and lots of activity on the beach, from dog walkers, fishermen, tractors, the bright sunny weather has inspired people out of their homes.

Charlie enjoy himself

Catching a seagull with the reflection in the pool of sea water

On our way home the little birds are out playing and singing their wonderful songs

I am loving the sunshine and just wish I could go further afield with my camera. Hopefully very soon we will be all out and about again.

I don’t venture out much at weekends, well not during the day. Living next to the sea does have its downfalls…it’s extremely busy on lovely days like today. The prom will be packed out!

So today it is take photos in the garden kind of a day

This little Bee catches my attention for quite some time.

I watch it hovering and landing around the garden, I follow with my camera and my phone. Some of the close up shots where better with my phone camera.

I just couldn’t get the focus right on the camera, when I had got it right the Bee had always flown off!

I can get good shots of planes with my camera and they are way way off!

So today I have taken things easy…a Zoom meeting with friends…hubby made brunch…potter in my craft room for an hour or so…sit in the sun watching nature taking a few photos and chilling.

I’d say that’s an easy day for me!

A walk up to the beach with hubby after tea to watch the sunset

We could even see the Isle of Man tonight behind the wind farm

Lovely end to the day

Thursday 25th February 2021

Day 53 of Lockdown

This morning I am out of bed super early (4am) I had slept pretty well until then.

So into the craft room to prep some more cards, it’s all the cutting out and designing that takes up most of the time, so by the time I have prepared and designed it’s going up for 6am.

Back into the house, time to sort the dogs out.

Hubby now awake and getting ready for work.

After breakfast, hubby is off to work and I decide to go out early this morning

1. To try and catch a sunrise
2. Nature…when it’s quiet it’s amazing what you see

I was certainly right this morning.

Me and Toby entered the Nature Reserve. Sat right in front of me on a Fence about 20/30 feet away is a beautiful Barn Owl. I have been trying to capture a photo of this owl for weeks, so you can imagine my excitement.

I slowly set my camera up…I really do not want to startle this beauty…I hold my breath and start to click away, just praying I have captured and got my focusing correct. I hear a car behind me, the owl moves a little further away…I can still see him, I zoom in again, the car door…Bang!

Off the little owl flys into the distance…Wow!

That was really something…I can breathe again!

A very special magical morning spent with nature ❤️

We move on around the nature reserve, Toby getting quite used to all the wildlife now and doesn’t seem to bother…the swans still don’t like Toby though.

A morning stretch…you don’t realise how big these birds are!

I was lucky enough to catch swans in flight

And landing

The morning just couldn’t get any better

The sky changes to an orangey glow and casts a warm reflection upon the pond.

A little sparrow lands on a nearby bush, the light captures his feathers bringing out the all the brown tones in his / her feathers

What a fabulous time I have had this morning and so relaxing too.

Home and I sit recapturing the wonderful moment through my photos ❤️

The weather is so nice today that I venture up to the beach later in the day as I have the urge to take more photos as the weather is just so lovely…feeling the sun on my face…just a real feel good factor.

The moon in a very blue sky

Beautiful Sunset this evening

I mess about with my camera taking Moon Shots

That’s it for me today, I have walked my little legs off and I’m shattered!

Been a good day, so well worth it!

Wednesday 23rd February 2021

Day 52 of Lockdown

What a difference a day makes or a few days in my case, when my sidekick takes hold he / she really likes to mix things up, from confusion to clumsiness

Yesterday I was so clumsy which seemed to get worse as the day went on, it started just by dropping things…just small thinks like spoons, pens etc.

By tea time it was getting worse, I dropped a sharp knife …good job non of the dogs where sat at the side of my feet like they normally are. Woo I hate to think (as I give a shudder)

Then dishing the casserole up…haven’t got a clue what happened but the large serving spoon launched its self… casserole splattered all over the kitchen floor, kitchen cupboards and my hubby…whom couldn’t have been stood any further away!

Everything today as just either slipped from my hands or something has happened. No two days are the same not with my sidekick!

I’m out of bed just before 6am and now sat with my cup of tea, starting to write my daily blog.

Writing my blog I normally pick my iPad up… quite a few times during the day making notes or I make a quick note/ reference on my Things To Do List which is situated in the kitchen.

It’s always good to have a pen and pad handy to write things down, just helps me to remember. I know I don’t always remember to make notes, especially if I’m distracted by someone or something, but pads placed around do help.

So who knows what today will bring, looking out of the window it looks like rain today!

Definitely not looking like a camera day or a walking day.

I have had a really busy day today all sorts of things cropping up, which throws my head slightly, upsets my routine

I did the food shop this morning because I thought it was Thursday! Then realised when I checked my diary and watch it was only Wednesday…so that was a great start!

A zoomed for longer than I should have done, leaving me with a bit of a headache. I knew I should have left when my concentration was going…but I carried on regardless like I do!

I have been trying to multi task and spin too many plates, which always results in disaster.

My Mum rang after lunch and we was chatting away. A family birthday was mentioned…I knew about the birthday but had totally forgotten it was next week.

We finish our conversation, I put the phone down, straight off to check I have everything I need to dispatch the card and parcel.

I check the card…name spelt wrong! No! Now I have to make another card! Slight panic and flustration kicks in, don’t know why, as I have a few days before the birthday date.

4.30pm I can relax. All done well at least I think all my jobs are done 😊

No photos today as it has been far to wet to venture out with my camera so I will show a couple from my time at the nature reserve yesterday. I always take so many.

Tuesday 23rd February 2021

Day 51 of Lockdown

I wake to wind and rain this morning, which is a little disappointing after yesterday’s beautiful weather.

Dates now have been announced for the different phases of the lockdown release.

Am I exited…No! I’m not getting too excited at all.

Is this normal…well under the circumstances that things tend to change so much, I don’t think I will be excited until the day I get to meet up with my closest family and friends.

So today I carry on as I did yesterday and the day before that, well what seems like it’s been forever really.

I think I have forgotten what it feels like to be with lots of people. I have been cocooned for that long now, in my own little bubble.

I have spoken about routine in previous blogs and how it affects me when changes occur, so have no idea how I will cope with the lockdown ending.

No point worrying…it hasn’t happened yet!

Bellow is a poem I wrote last year when we thought we were coming out of Lockdown.

I have enjoyed the piece and quite…but so missed seeing my family and getting out and about, visiting different places.

It does give us hope now, i think that is what most people need right now…is Hope!

Back to the here and now, so I am hoping for a better day today…fingers crossed!

Oh no just tried to take this mornings beautiful red sky before it disappears…battery in camera exhausted! Flashes across the camera screen or something like that.

A little like me! Exhausted!( forgot to charge camera last night when we came off the beach )

Oh well just have to wait until it’s charged…nothing I can do right now. I think it might be worth ordering a spare battery.

A walk to the beach with Toby and Charlie …no camera 😞 maybe I will go out again later. We will see.

I have no zoom meetings today so I am making the most of just doing things for me…so I can take my time just catching up on a few things / jobs that have been put to one side.

Late morning after I have done some of my jobs, (clean the food cupboards out). I decide to go to the Nature Reserve and have a break from the cleaning, also I really want to give my camera another go…fingers crossed.

Wow it’s windy! But it’s so good to be back out again with my camera!

Couple of Canadian Geese

Can’t resist taking photos of the Swans, I take lots of photos, just a shame I can’t use them all.

Capture a duck just taking flight

Always a seagull or two around and I just love it when I capture one flying

I had a successful time with my camera today…looking through my photos, brought a smile to my face. The smile of achievement 😊

Today is a good day and I achieved. Some things might only be small but it’s the little things that bring the greatest feeling of happiness…contentment

Just being able to take a photo…a photo from my day.

My photos are my memories ❤️

Monday 22nd February 2021

Day 50 of Lockdown

With hubby laughing at what comes out of my mouth now.

We sometimes just look at each other in a amazement and laugh after I have said something that is absolute rubbish.

1. It might just sound gobbledygook
2. It might be the totally wrong word
3. My mouth will open but nothing comes out because my brain can’t find the words

This doesn’t happen all the time, but at least we can laugh with each other when it does.

I thought I would also mention that I can no longer work out what is a joke… I can imagine some will think I am being possibly ignorant by not reacting as you think I should…or how a person should react when it’s only a joke. This is so hard to describe

I suppose what I am trying to say is I think everything that is said to me is reality.

So if you said jokingly…wow that dress is awful …I would think you meant it…so I wouldn’t find it funny. I would think you where being deadly serious.

I take everything anyone says as the truth I suppose, which can cause a little upset if I’m not understanding.

Anyway today I’m out for an early walk in the park before my zoom meetings.

The Herons are all fighting for the best nesting spot, it was amazing to watch them flying in and out of the tree…such a big bird trying to navigate through the branches

I have had major problems with my camera today as my head was not remembering how to do things, which caused me to get a little flustered.

Most of my photos where annoyingly out of focus or just couldn’t zoom in to get a clear photo…so I got really annoyed with myself earlier.

I spend sometime in the garden in the beautiful sunshine before hubby comes home from work. I’m just generally pottering about, the moon was out too in the clear blue sky.

So as soon as hubby is home I hand him my camera. He spots the problem straight away, I had inadvertently moved a button…something so simple but yet so confusing for my head to remember / work out.

All sorted now 😊

Moon out early on this beautiful sunny afternoon

The camera problems kept on coming as now my photos are not uploading onto my iPad…what have I done now 🙈

All sorted…

Now me and camera are all good again.

I thought a walk after tea to catch the sunset…but No sunset as clouds have appeared.

Turnstones by the sea edge

Definitely not my day today

Tomorrow will be better!

Friday 19th February 2021

Day 47 of Lockdown

Woke around 6.20am there is a coldness in the air, I will be so glad to see the warmer months this year. Winter is not my favourite season and this year it seems to be going so slow…Its with being in Lockdown.

I know spring can’t be that far off as all the little bulbs are starting to make an appearance…in the park they are already open, but not as yet in my garden. Nearly!

Hubby’s day off work today, normal circumstances we would be off somewhere, visiting family, going for walks further afield…that’s definitely one thing I do miss.

Hopefully soon!

Oh I have my appointment through for my Covid jab next week, I was a little shocked when I received as I thought I would be way down the list only being in my 50’s , I can only think it’s because of dementia/ medical reasons I have been called.

To be quite honest I am a little nervous as I’m not one for tablets, medications of any sort but on this occasion I do think it’s the right thing to do. 😬

After writing my blog yesterday I began to think, because I do all my crafty things I don’t think people realise how my dementia affects me…they only see all my crafts and paintings I produce which is my positive side of Dementia.

I suppose because I always try to stay as positive as I can, you are only reading or witnessing my best bits, which is great because you can see what we are capable of when living with dementia.

I don’t often talk about the struggles.

After yesterday’s blog and describing what it is like for me to make a cup of tea when someone is speaking, it brought it home that I also need to describe what it’s like when we are struggling with things…I need to include everything as it’s not all about forgetting.

As you will have most probably realised from previous blogs, sleep is a big disturbance in dementia and no matter what I do…this is just how it is for me. I think the only thing I haven’t tried are sleeping tablets and No! I am not going down that road!

My Choice!

Today will be a funny sort of a day as hubby is at home all day which throws me out of my routine. I’m already out of my comfort zone / routine waiting for him to get up out of bed so I can tidy round. I would normally be dressed by now and possibly out with the dogs, but not this morning!

So I sit waiting and I suppose getting a little anxious…watch me fly round when the bedroom door opens!

Bedroom door opens just before 8am and in I am straight in to make the bed and also get dressed for my beach walk …which is not as early as it normally is, but at least it’s happening.

Charlie straight for the puddles, digging up pebbles!

Then the seagulls, this one looks like he has been to McDonald’s and dropped his chicken nugget!

There wasn’t anything new on the beach this morning, it was a little windy and showery…but lucky for us we dodged the showers.

On our way back home a lovely little Robin stopped by to say hello

Walk done, back inside where it’s warm.

I do a spot of baking which doesn’t go well.

My first mix I forget the caster sugar, so that goes in the bin.

The second mix is ok.

Then the rock bun mix…well I don’t know what happened, they don’t look like my normal rock buns!

Mmmm not a good day!

Lunch just tips me over the edge.

I am trying to make poached eggs and an omelette….Bang! Overload and Melt down!

I simply cannot do two things at once …I am so frustrated! …that’s it! Lost it!

Hubby tries to distract by giving me a hug…No! Push him away! I just need to be on my own…

Now I feel guilty for pushing him away.

It feels like there is something inside me that just takes over…I have no control.

I feel sad, flustration, confused!

I hate my sidekick right now!!

Because I have overloaded…The hours pass I start to feel rubbish

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Saturday 20th February 2021

Day 48 of Lockdown

I wake this morning and lie in bed, I’m hoping for a better day than yesterday.

My motivation is low and I’m still in my pjs at 8.30am as I start to write my blog.

I have normally been out with the dogs by now…no not this morning as I look outside at a very grey damp morning…well that is not inspiring at all! No camera for me this morning, just something else to bring my mood down.

I think yesterday was a bad day, I am still feeling the guilt on my reactions at the disastrous bake and lunch.

I’m thinking is this another change that I can’t control!

Yesterday’s events are sticking in my head and I can’t shake them loose!

I have a very wet soggy walk with Toby this morning, we both looked like drowned rats on our return, for some reason I felt the need to stay out in the rain.

I take my hat off so I could feel the rain on my head. I then started to tidy the garden.

An hour later and soaked through to the skin, inside to remove all wet clothing and make a hot chocolate.

Hubby calls me on my phone, I normally enjoy my morning check in chat…not this morning as I just feel like I can’t be bothered. I hate feeling like this and it normally happens when I have done too much, or have too many thoughts wizzing in my head.

My day feels rubbish and I hate feeling like this

Today well, it’s a hard day…When all the positivity is sucked out of me

Hubby gives me a big hug on his return home.

My eyes fill with tears and all I can say is “This is so hard ”

Sunday 21st February 2021

Day 49 of Lockdown

Yesterday was a hard day!

Today is a new day!

I wake at 5.50am …well when I say wake, this is the time I actually get out of bed, I always wake a few times during the night, it is very unusual for me to go to bed and sleep through without waking or getting up.

I am out and about just after 7.30am I am determined to take my camera this morning even though the sky does look a little like rain.

Wow the beach is quiet, no one around this morning

I think Harry Potter was here earlier

Nothing of any interest…no new sea birds…not many birds at all really. Then on our walk back home I spy some little goldfinches playing, swooping from tree to tree across the road. I stop and watch…camera at the ready, waiting for them to settle…then click, click, click as my finger presses the button.

I never really know what I have captured until I return home. I could check the camera screen but I don’t take my reading glasses with me so I have trouble seeing! ha! ha!

Home and it’s always a surprise when the photos have uploaded on to my iPad and I can see what I have captured. Sometimes disappointing too, when I think I captured something and it’s all blurry

It’s a new routine I have.

Come home from my walk, sort out dogs, take outdoor clothes off, wash hands, put the kettle on to make a cup of tea or possibly a hot chocolate, biscuit, sit down and just relive my mornings walk. One of the best parts of the day ❤️

My day is better than yesterday, so that’s a positive and also the sun is trying it’s best to make an appearance, to make my day even brighter.

I am itching to go out again to take more photos, but its always so busy at weekend with tourists (even though they are not supposed to travel) so I will wait.

I take a few around the garden as the crocuses are flowering, it was beginning to feel a little bit more spring like today

I have felt a little brighter today, but a little lost of not knowing what to do with myself…at least I have felt more like me!

I will finish with a track by Sia – I’ll Never Give Up