Diary – Overload

Thursday 18th February 2021

Day 45 of Lockdown

I wake at 4am this morning, so a very early start for me.

Into the craft room to finish of my watercolour painting of a Kingfisher, I have been going to finish off all this all week …just one of the many things I wanted to do, that has just got lost in the distractions of the week.

So at 6am feeling of accomplishment as I leave the craft room to make a well earned cup of tea.

I pick up my iPad to start on the days blog…I am struggling slightly on what to write as the lockdown is starting to get quite repetitive…a bit like me!

I think we are all finding it difficult to talk about something new, as we don’t see people face to face or go anywhere different.

We are very much cocooned in our own little worlds.

Dementia feels very much like that to me sometimes. Cocooned!

I do feel that I’m in a different world…a world of trying to explain how I feel.

Why I can’t do things or why I forget to do things.

How I’m feeling when my head is fuzzy.

Why I can’t remember a programme I watched a few days ago.

Why some days I cant find words.

Why I get so confused.

Why I have to stop and really think when making two brews or I get them wrong…

Why I constantly burn myself when getting things out of the oven because I forget to put oven gloves on.

All these Why’s!

I constantly wonder why every time something happens or something else changes.

No point dwelling on the changes or the why’s!

I now just have to accept that this is me …This is my new word.

I now have to find simple ways to adapt and live in my new world

One of the biggest daily confusion, is when hubby comes home from work. You see I have been quietly plodding on throughout my day on my own, with only me to think about.

I’m in my own world of going around in circles, but getting there in the end…keeps me busy!

Then hubby comes home …then the talking starts from the minute the door opens and it’s like something explodes in my head! ( don’t get me wrong I love my hubby to bits ) I do find myself getting quite agitated, because I am also trying to make a cup of coffee and a cup of tea, (these I have already prepared) I just need to add water…how hard is that you might think!

Let me tell you…it’s extremely hard!!

Before I had dementia, if you would have told me how difficult it was to make a cup of tea and a cup of coffee at the same time, i would have most probably thought you where having a joke!

I would never have believed anyone could have trouble making a cup of tea.

This is dementia for you! It takes things away from you, things that you could never imagine.

Dementia is far much more than memory loss! …Far much more than anyone would realise!

Until you actually live with this disease!

Yesterday I had to shout Stop!!! My hubby then realise I could not work out how to make a cup of tea and coffee with him talking at the same time.

It was like my brain had gone into overload, sparking away inside my head trying to work out what to do. Too much information…too much to try and decipher …overload… bang my head explodes… that’s what it feels like.

Time for my early morning walk on the beach now the rain has stopped.

The blue sky is on its way

Mr Crow on the beach, no curlews this morning

We walk down to Mary’s Shell…a few photos taken at different angles before moving on.

Then I walk just a little further to the large stone Ogre

On my journey back home I spot a little Goldfinch

Then a little Great Tit came to say hello

Back home… time to tidy round and set my things up for the last of my card making sessions at 11am

Lots of lovely cards made this morning …all made by people who live with dementia

A good morning had by all…all coming together to learn a new craft.

Who says you can’t!

We all proved this morning no such word as CAN’T!

I was going to go out with my camera again in the afternoon but by the time I had eaten lunch, spoken with my Mum and emptied the washing machine, the tiredness starts to kick in.

I decided to put my feet up and watch Anne with an E (Anne of Green Gables) I can remember Anne of Green Gables from when I was a small girl enjoyed it then and now enjoying the Netflix version.

To end my day, Hubby takes me to watch the sunset eating fish ‘n’ chips in the car 😋