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Living with dementia and going away on holiday doesn’t mean I come home feeling fully recharged. In fact, sometimes it has the opposite effect. While a holiday can be enjoyable and give me precious moments away from everyday life, returning home means having to adjust all over again.
Routine is incredibly important when you live with dementia. Being away from home can disrupt my routine, and once I’m back it can take days, sometimes even longer, for my brain to settle. I can feel confused, agitated and completely drained of energy. Simple things that were second nature before we went away suddenly need more thought, which can be frustrating.
People often assume a holiday is time to relax and recharge, but for someone with dementia there is so much extra processing involved. New places, different surroundings, unfamiliar sounds, changes in routine and constantly adapting all take a great deal of mental effort. Even if I’ve had a wonderful time, my brain has been working overtime.
People might say, “You’ve just had a holiday, you must feel great!” But the reality can be very different. The holiday itself may have been wonderful, but the change in routine, unfamiliar surroundings, travelling, and then having to readjusting afterwards can leave your brain feeling as it’s just run a marathon…exhausted.
So, when I return home, I don’t bounce straight back into normal life. I need time. Time to find my rhythm again, time to reconnect with those familiar surroundings that make me feel safe, and time to let my brain recover from all the extra demands that come with taking a holiday.
It’s a reminder that living with dementia isn’t just about managing while you’re away on holiday. Coming home can be just as challenging, as it brings its own adjustments. You have to be patient with yourself and accept that it takes time to settle back into familiar routines.
Before I share today’s blog, I want to say something that I don’t think is spoken about enough. Speaking out about dementia comes with a price. Most people are wonderfully kind and supportive, but every now and then there are comments that stop you in your tracks.
There is something people often forget when they leave a comment online or make a passing remark after hearing someone on the radio or seeing them on television.
There is a real person on the receiving end.
Over the last couple of days, following my radio and television appearances, I have been overwhelmed by the kindness of so many people. Your messages of support, encouragement and understanding have meant more than you could ever know.
But mixed amongst those messages have been comments that were hurtful, dismissive and, at times, quite insulting.
I have learned over the years that not everyone will understand dementia. Some people still believe there is only one way it should look, one way it should sound, and one way a person should behave. If you don’t fit into that picture, your diagnosis is questioned, your abilities are criticised, or your honesty is doubted.
Those words hurt!
Not because they change the reality of living with dementia, but because they ignore the courage it takes to speak publicly in the first place.
Every interview I agree to is accompanied by anxiety. I worry about remembering my words, losing my train of thought, saying the wrong thing or simply becoming overwhelmed. I don’t do interviews because I enjoy being in the spotlight. I do them because if sharing my life helps just one person feel less alone, or helps one family understand dementia a little better, then it is worth it.
What people see on a television screen or hear during a short radio interview is just a snapshot of my life. They don’t see the exhaustion afterwards. They don’t see the notes I rely on, the moments when my brain becomes foggy, or the emotional toll that comes with putting yourself out there for public judgement.
Words have power.
They can encourage someone to keep going, or they can make them question whether they should ever speak again.
Before pressing ‘send’ on a comment, perhaps ask yourself one simple question: Would I say this if that person was standing in front of me?
Kindness costs nothing, but it can mean everything.
I won’t stop talking about dementia because a handful of people choose to be unkind. In fact, comments like these remind me why these conversations are still so important. There is still so much misunderstanding, and while I have the voice to do so, I will continue to use it.
If my journey helps challenge just one misconception, gives one newly diagnosed person hope, or helps one family feel understood, then every interview, every blog and every difficult comment has served a purpose.
Dementia doesn’t take away our feelings.
It doesn’t make us immune to hurt.
If anything, it reminds us just how much compassion matters.
So, if there is one thing I would ask, it is this: choose your words carefully. You never truly know what someone is carrying, and your words may stay with them long after you’ve forgotten you ever wrote them, or in some cases said them.
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I wake with a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach, wondering what today will bring. Holidays and living with dementia can mean change, sometimes lots of change. With good planning, a holiday with dementia can absolutely work, but this trip has certainly had its ups and downs. It has been a real mixture of positives and negatives.
By 6.30am, I was out and about with every intention of walking all the way around the pond. It was a little cooler this morning, with a fresh breeze blowing, but the sun was beginning to break through the clouds, making it feel quite pleasant.
We followed the gravel path as far as the last lodge before stepping onto the grassy area at the far end of the large pond. I remembered from a previous walk that the gravel path continued somewhere ahead, so I made my way across the grass until I caught sight of it.
I hadn’t been walking long before I began to feel uncomfortable. I couldn’t work out where to go next. Suddenly, I didn’t know where I was. Not wanting to become lost, I stopped and stood still, slowly looking around in every direction. Then I spotted the lakeside lodges. They looked familiar, so I decided to turn around and head back towards them.
It was as though my brain had experienced a brief glitch. I don’t have moments like this very often, but when I do, they can be quite unsettling. Seeing that last lodge brought an overwhelming sense of comfort because, in that instant, I knew exactly where I was again.
Back at the lodge, there was only one thing for it…it was definitely time for a cup of tea!
After breakfast, I could only manage half a croissant as my stomach was still feeling a little unsettled. With the dogs in tow, we set off for a walk along the River Annan, just a couple of miles from where we were staying. Before long, we reached a small car park that marked the entrance to the riverside pathway.
It was a little breezier this morning as we wandered beneath the tree-lined path, watching leaves dance through the air before gently falling to the ground. There were plenty of other dog walkers about, so we kept a respectful distance. Sooty can be a real handful whenever he spots another dog. He likes to think he’s top dog and believes no other dogs should come anywhere near his space.
The river itself was wonderfully peaceful. There weren’t many birds around, just a lone heron patiently searching for breakfast and the occasional duck drifting quietly with the current. We found a bench and sat for a while, soaking up the views and enjoying the tranquillity of our surroundings.
Then, in an instant, the calm was broken. A sheepdog appeared, off its lead, staring intently at Sooty, who immediately transformed into the red-eyed monster, growling and barking as he defended what he believed was his territory. The sheepdog’s owners seemed completely oblivious until they got closer. Their only response was, “Move on.” Thankfully, the dog did, although not before throwing a few aggressive barks over its shoulder as it glared at Sooty.
With the peace disturbed, we decided we had walked far enough. It was time to turn around and retrace our steps back to the car. After all that excitement, it was definitely time to refuel. Lunch was calling.
After lunch, we decided on a road trip to Dumfries. Unfortunately, roadworks seemed to be everywhere, making the journey far more stressful and much longer than we had expected. I don’t know what it is about this holiday, but my anxiety has felt heightened and my usual sense of comfort has been all over the place.
Once we arrived, we parked the car and enjoyed a gentle walk alongside the river before wandering into the town centre, stopping every now and then to take a few photographs.
After a while, we decided it was time for refreshments. Hubby went inside the café to order tea and cake while I found us a table outside, sitting quietly and watching the world go by. When he returned, he carefully placed our teas and cakes on the table. I had just reached for the sugar when, out of nowhere, I felt what seemed like a slap across my face. It made me jump. To our amazement, a seagull had swooped down in a split second flown off with our cakes! We couldn’t believe how quickly it had happened, and neither could the gentleman sitting at the next table.
He turned out to be quite a character. Within minutes, we knew all about his family, where they lived, the jobs he’d had over the years and plenty more besides. In fact, we got his entire life story in about fifteen minutes! We barely managed to get a word in edgeways. After several polite attempts to leave, we finally managed to make our escape, wished him a good day, and headed back to the car.
The drive back to the lodge would be our last, as tomorrow morning we would be setting off for home in Lancashire. Back at the lodge, it was time to pack our belongings, enjoy our evening meal and simply relax for the rest of the evening.
It’s certainly been an interesting break. Although I’ve made some lovely memories, it’s not somewhere I would choose to visit again. Sometimes a place just doesn’t feel quite right, and for me, this was one of those places.
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There’s a new challenge in my life…TikTock or as I like to call it Ticky tocky!
For many people it’s just another social media platform, but for someone living with dementia it can feel like learning a completely new language. Every button, every menu and every editing tool is unfamiliar, and navigating it all can be incredibly difficult.
One of the biggest challenges with dementia is retaining new information. I might finally work out one part of the process, only to have forgotten the step I mastered ten minutes earlier. It can be frustrating, and at times I wonder if I’m asking too much of myself.
But then I remind myself that living with dementia isn’t about giving up because something is difficult. It’s about finding new ways to keep going, even if the journey takes a little longer.
So, my Ticky Tocky posts might be simple. They may not have all the fancy editing or clever transitions. I’ll probably press the wrong button from time to time, upload something the wrong way round, or have to start all over again. But every video I share is a little achievement, because it means I didn’t let dementia stop me from trying.
I hope people won’t judge my videos by how polished they are, but instead by the determination behind them. Every post represents perseverance, learning, and refusing to let dementia take away my willingness to embrace something new.
After all, we’re never too old, or living with too many challenges to learn. It may take me longer, I may need a few more attempts, and I’ll almost certainly have a laugh along the way. But if my Ticky Tocky adventure encourages just one other person living with dementia to have a go at something new, then every forgotten step will have been worth it.
So, if you happen to see one of my little videos pop up, be kind. Behind every few seconds of footage is someone living with dementia who simply refuses to stop learning.
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Wednesday 1st July
I woke up with a strong feeling of missing home. It worried me because I am so grateful to be away, and I didn’t want to seem ungrateful, but I just couldn’t shake the feeling of being uncomfortable. Sometimes that’s the reality of living with dementia. Even when you’re somewhere beautiful, unfamiliar surroundings can leave you feeling unsettled.
Hubby worked his magic and found a nature reserve near Lockerbie, only a twenty-minute drive from where we were staying. I’ll admit, after yesterday’s experience on the winding roads, I was a little apprehensive about getting back in the car. But I’m so glad I did.
It turned out to be one of the best nature reserves we have ever visited. The hides were spotless, perfectly positioned and beautifully maintained. We watched an amazing variety of birds, but the highlight of the day had to be discovering a nest of Little Grebes, also known as Dabchicks.
Oh my goodness… the excitement of looking through the lens and watching them was simply breathtaking. In fact, hubby had to remind me to breathe because I was so engrossed in photographing them that I was almost hyperventilating! Those tiny birds completely lifted my spirits. They were exactly what I needed to chase away the cloud that had been hanging over me all morning.
After leaving the nature reserve, we took the short drive into Lockerbie to visit the Garden of Remembrance. It is a peaceful and tranquil place, created in memory of the victims of the Pan Am Flight 103 disaster. At 7:03pm on Wednesday 21st December 1988, a bomb exploded on board the aircraft, and large sections of the plane fell onto the town of Lockerbie. All 243 passengers and 16 crew members lost their lives, along with 11 people on the ground.
As we quietly walked through the gardens, reading the memorial messages and paying our respects, a butterfly gently landed on my shoulder. It felt like such a special moment, bringing a little comfort to a place filled with so much sadness.
After lunch back at the lodge, we headed to the shopping village near Gretna Green, where I treated myself to a Ralph Lauren shirt. We decided not to visit Gretna Green itself as we’d explored it on a previous trip to Scotland.
By the end of the day we were well and truly shattered. I think it’s time to put our feet up, relax, and enjoy a quiet evening.
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Have you ever walked into a place and instantly known it just didn’t feel quite right?
You can’t always explain why. It might look beautiful, be well looked after, and everything around seems ok, yet something inside tells you it isn’t a place where you feel comfortable.
I often wonder how much our surroundings affect the way we feel. The sounds, the lighting, the smells, the people around us, even the way a building is laid out can all make a difference. Sometimes a place feels calm and welcoming. Other times it can feel overwhelming, unsettling, or simply “off.”
Living with dementia has made me much more aware of this. I often notice how an environment makes me feel before I can put into words what it is that’s bothering me. My brain seems to sense something long before I can explain it.
Not because the place is necessarily bad, but because it may not be the right place for me. And that’s okay.
There were lots of factors that made this break feel different from what I had imagined.
The layout of the lodge never quite felt comfortable, my usual early morning walks didn’t feel relaxing, and from 9am until 5pm the constant gunshots from the nearby clay pigeon shooting range left both Toby and me feeling on edge. Then there were the narrow, winding roads.
It’s strange how much our surroundings can influence how we feel and the mood we carry. After the excitement of arriving, the reality turned out to be very different.
Dementia isn’t just about memory. Things like noise, unfamiliar environments and difficult roads can have a huge impact on how I feel.
On day two, we decided to visit Powfoot Beach, just a couple of miles from where we were staying. Toby and Sooty were in their element, racing around and burning off plenty of energy, while I wandered slowly, hoping to spot some wildlife. The beach was muddier than we expected, with stretches of shingle that made walking quite difficult, so we headed back to the picnic area where we sat with our flasks of tea, soaking up the views instead.
After lunch, hubby suggested we visit Caerlaverock Castle and the nearby Caerlaverock Nature Reserve. We started our journey on a lovely road, but before long it became what I can only describe as the road from hell. At least, that’s how it felt to me. It twisted and turned through tall, lush hedgerows that were impossible to see over, leaving me constantly worrying about what might be coming the other way. Some stretches were so narrow they only had passing places. With every bend my anxiety grew. I became agitated, grumpy and physically felt unwell. It was a stark reminder of how quickly unfamiliar surroundings can overwhelm me.
When we finally reached the turning for the nature reserve, only to discover it was closed, that really was the last straw. Poor hubby ended up getting the full force of my anxiety and frustration, even though none of it was his fault.
Thankfully, just ten minutes later we arrived at Caerlaverock Castle, and I can’t tell you how relieved I was to climb out of the car.
The castle itself was stunning, but I don’t know if it was worth the journey!
It’s the only triangular castle in Britain, and it certainly made an impression. After wandering around, taking far too many photographs and enjoying the history, it was finally time to head back to the lodge…This time on a much better road, I’m pleased to say!
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To say I was winding down from dementia activism, taking a bit of a back seat and hoping to spend more time with hubby, my crafts, and enjoying the outdoors, it seems life had other ideas. Without really noticing, my diary had gradually filled up again. The weeks that once held only one or two meetings were suddenly packed with new opportunities.
Some opportunities are simply too special to turn down.
Just before we headed off on our break to Scotland, I received a call from BBC Radio Lancashire asking if I would be willing to appear live on their morning show. After a long conversation, I explained that I wanted to enjoy my holiday without any commitments beforehand, but I would happily come into the studio once I returned. We agreed on the morning of Tuesday 7th July.
During our conversations, I also mentioned that my Admiral Nurse had become an important part of my dementia chapter. It felt like the perfect opportunity to raise awareness of the incredible support provided by Admiral Nurses and Dementia UK, while sharing my own experiences of living with dementia.
Tuesday 7th July arrived, and with it came the familiar feeling of waking with a nervous stomach. Here we go… my old friend anxiety had arrived to accompany me once again.
Breakfast wasn’t an option. Instead, I sipped on hot, sweet tea as I tried to settle my stomach and work my way through my morning routine, interrupted several times by anxiety and hurried trips to the bathroom. I did manage a quick walk to the beach with the dogs, but I didn’t venture too far. Anxiety has a habit of making me feel safer when I know home isn’t far away.
Back at the house, I gathered together a few notes, packed my bag with everything I thought I might need, and waited for my lift to Blackburn. My Admiral Nurse, Maxine, and her assistant, Julie, were driving me over, as Maxine would also be talking about the work of Admiral Nurses and Dementia UK during the interview.
At 9.20am I spotted Maxine’s car pulling up outside my house. I quickly locked the back door, gave the dogs their treats, picked up my bag and headed down the drive. As I approached the car, I could see Maxine and Julie smiling and waving through the windows. Their warm welcome instantly helped settle a few of my nerves.
I climbed into the front seat, and as we set off Maxine admitted she was feeling a little nervous too. She asked how my anxiety was doing.
“Okay… at the moment,” I replied.
Blackburn is only around a 45-minute drive away, the biggest challenge would be navigating the one-way system. Thankfully, between the two of them, they navigated it perfectly and we reached BBC Radio Lancashire with plenty of time to spare.
Inside the building we were shown to a seating area and offered refreshments while we waited. Various members of staff came over to introduce themselves, although I have to admit I can’t remember all of their names or exactly what their roles were. While waiting, I managed to take a few photographs before we were finally invited into the studio.
It was fascinating.
A large microphone sat directly in front of me, surrounded by computer screens, cameras and speakers. Through the large glass window I could see another studio buzzing with activity. Having never stepped inside a radio studio before, I couldn’t help but take it all in.
Before I knew it, we were live.
The interview seemed to fly by in a matter of minutes. One moment I was nervously taking my seat, and the next it was all over. We took a few more photographs before saying our goodbyes and heading back home.
Another opportunity embraced. Another experience ticked off. Living with dementia has certainly taken me on a journey I could never have imagined, and despite the anxiety that often comes along for the ride, moments like these remind me why I continue to speak out. If sharing my story helps even one person feel less alone or encourages someone to seek support, then every nervous moment is worthwhile.
If you would like to listen to the interview, I’ve included the recording below. ⬇️
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After all the excitement of appearing on ITV’s This Morning, it was finally time to switch off the emails and escape for a few days. The great outdoors was calling, and I was more than ready for five days away with hubby, the dogs, the countryside and nature.
We had booked this little break quite a while ago, and the timing couldn’t have been better. Our destination was Annan in Scotland, a historic market town on the banks of the River Annan, close to the Solway Firth in Dumfries and Galloway. It’s only eight miles from the English border and is apparently well known for its beautiful red sandstone architecture. I was looking forward to exploring somewhere new.
I was a little behind with my planning and packing after the unexpected trip to London. My head had been all over the place, and I felt as though I was constantly trying to catch up.
Friday 26th June became my “get organised” day. I sat down with my lists and slowly worked through them, ticking off everything as it was packed. Clothes, shopping, dog supplies, planned meal menus… there were stacker boxes everywhere. To anyone else it probably looked like complete chaos, but to me it was organised chaos, and that’s exactly how I needed it.
By Saturday, the anxiety had started to creep in. The reality of going somewhere different was getting closer, and my stomach was already doing somersaults.
Sunday became my final day of checking. As soon as I woke, the familiar feeling of anxiety had settled in my stomach. I packed, cleaned, organised and checked everything over and over until I was completely exhausted.
Monday finally arrived. I got up early and headed out with the dogs. If I kept moving, I didn’t have time to dwell on how anxious I was feeling. A lovely walk along the beach helped settle my mind before heading home to get changed and collect our food shopping for our five-day break in Annan.
I absolutely love our little holidays away. I just wish my anxiety loved them too.
We arrived in Annan at around 2.30pm, but our lodge wasn’t quite ready, so we spent some time wandering around the local area. At 3.20pm, hubby received the call we’d been waiting for.
“Our lodge is ready.”
I always love opening the door to somewhere new. It never loses that sense of excitement, and this lodge certainly didn’t disappoint. It was modern, cosy and overlooked a beautiful pond where nature came and went throughout the day. It was the perfect setting. Even the dogs seemed fascinated, happily watching the wildlife from the glass-screened balcony.
After unpacking, we simply sat down with a cup of tea and admired the view.
Relax.
Later that evening, after dinner, we took the dogs for a walk around the site. Geese waddled along the edge of the pond, birds sang from the trees, and everywhere felt wonderfully quiet and peaceful.
It was beautiful.
But somehow it didn’t quite stir the same feelings as our last escape to Augill Beck. There was something truly special about that place. Some places leave footprints on your heart, and Augill Beck certainly did that.
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It’s been a busy couple of days. There have been lots of phone calls, lots of questions, and lots of different voices. Some people have sounded rushed, others have been a little difficult to understand, but everyone has tried so hard to be helpful and make sure that both our travel and accommodation were comfortable and suitable.
I understand there must be an enormous amount of preparation involved in making sure every guest is looked after. It can’t be easy, especially because we all have different needs and requirements. After all, we are all individuals.
Then there were my own preparations to think about, the dogs, my notes, clothes, hubby, and his work.
Brightly coloured sticky notes appearing everywhere around our house. Coping with dementia alongside anxiety, I did wonder at times whether it would all be worth it.
It was hubby who spurred me on, constantly reassuring me that I could do this…That I would do this, because it was a fantastic opportunity, and one I didn’t want to miss.
There were moments when I simply had to step away and sit beside the pond in our garden, listening to the gentle trickle of water cascading from the waterfall blade. The sound of water calms me and gives me a few precious moments of peace, and sometimes those few moments are exactly what i need to bring everything back into perspective.
This was a new experience, a new venture, and a new opportunity that had unexpectedly come my way. Whatever happened, I was determined to embrace it and make the most of it.
When 11am arrived on Tuesday 23rd June, it was time to leave the ITV studio behind. I felt sad to be leaving all those happy faces. The ITV studios has to be one of the happiest places I have been in a long time. The whole atmosphere oozed kindness and joy, not an ounce of negativity. That’s my kind of environment.
Everyone was so helpful and accommodating, which made the whole experience worthwhile. Maybe that’s why I felt so sad to leave.
After our goodbyes, the doors opened on the car that would take us back to Euston Station.
The journey was busy, thank goodness for air conditioning!
As we reached the station, crowds of people were gathering both inside and outside, and as the car door opened, the heat hit us immediately. It was the lead-up to the hottest days of the year, and everyone seemed to be searching for shade.
Hubby spotted Marks & Spencer, I think he hoped that because it was somewhere familiar, I might manage to eat something. We bought a croissant for me, a sandwich and drink for him, and some plain crisps to snack on during the journey.
I didn’t eat my croissant until much later on the train. Food simply wasn’t appealing to me at all. Instead, I sipped black sweet tea from my flask.
Watching the information board at the station, did little to reassure me that our train would actually be running. There were so many cancellations. Then, suddenly, there it was, the train to Glasgow appeared on the board, and it was on time. What a relief!
As the gates opened, crowds of people flocked towards the tiny turnstiles. It was bedlam.
Once on board, things didn’t go quite to plan for some passengers, as the air conditioning had failed in several carriages. Thankfully, ours was working, although we did experience the occasional waterfall of excess water cascading from the central overhead panel, which was certainly interesting!
Hubby and I sat chatting about the whole experience, reminiscing about how surreal it had all felt. I began to relax slightly as we pulled into Preston Station. Nearly home.
Once home, the excitement continued. Neighbours, friends, and family were all messaging and ringing. I think I was still being carried along by the excitement of it all.
Wednesday morning, however, was a very different story. Instead of feeling bright and full of energy, I felt tired, lethargic, and as though my brain had completely shut down.
Simple tasks became difficult. I walked the dogs in a daze and only realised when I reached the beach that I didn’t have my bag, phone, or keys, nothing. It’s was just me and the dogs. It was only the other day I had left my handbag in a shop, so I immediately thought I could have put it down on a wall on my way to the beach, so I retraced my steps back home. Good job I walk the same walk every day!
I hadn’t left my bag on a wall, it was sitting safely on the kitchen worktop. I had just forgotten to pick the bag up on my out.
I try my best to resume my usual morning routine, but it just wasn’t happening. I wandered around aimlessly, not really knowing what I was doing.
I checked my “Things To Do” board. Change the beds…a simple enough task, I thought.
I stripped hubby’s bed and put the bedding in the washing machine. Result! It wasn’t actually a result as I forgot to put the washing powder in and the fabric conditioner…The sheets just had a very long rinse!
Making the bed was another matter entirely. I couldn’t understand why the fitted sheet kept pinging off one corner. Eventually, I realised I had been trying to put it on the wrong way round.
It was a long, slow process. Everything seemed to take so much longer, and I felt completely drained and exhausted.
My mum rang for a quick chat, and later ITV checked in to make sure everything had gone well. It was lovely of them to do so, and as I had already told them, it had been a wonderful experience. They have helped me create some very special memories.
After the initial wave of comments on social media, Thursday felt much quieter. I answered a couple of emails from people interested in speaking with me and hoped my day would go better than the previous one.
Then, after lunch, I received an email from BBC Radio Lancashire asking me to give me a call. We had a long conversation about my story, and when I mentioned the Admiral Nurses, they became keen to include them on the programme too.
Another opportunity, this time to visit the BBC Radio Lancashire Studios
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Diary from Tuesday 23rd June 2026
Just after 5am, I lay in bed trying to remain perfectly still. Hubby was beside me, something I’m totally not used to. We have slept in separate rooms for the last few years because of my sleep disturbances, so this morning felt strange. I couldn’t move around in bed, there would be no early morning walk, and my usual routine was completely out of sync. I felt trapped within the four walls of the hotel room.
My stomach was doing somersaults and I didn’t feel particularly well. Anxiety always affects my stomach, often leaving me constantly running to the bathroom. I’d been like this for the last few days, which explained why I hadn’t been eating much. Before long, I found myself back in the bathroom yet again.
About an hour later, hubby woke, completely unaware that I’d spent most of the previous hour in and out of the bathroom. He asked how I was feeling and whether I could manage breakfast.
“No,” I replied, “but I’ll come with you. At least I can have a proper cup of tea.” Sweet tea would do just fine this morning.
Once hubby had showered, we headed down for breakfast. The dining room was filled with both music and morning television.
Oh my goodness, what a clash of noise!
I sat sipping my sweet black tea while hubby enjoyed a full English breakfast. I couldn’t think of anything worse than food that morning. No, actually, I could …the television and the music competing to see which could be the loudest.
After breakfast, we climbed the stairs into the bar area where Julie was sitting alone.
“Good morning,” I said.
Julie looked up from her phone as I leaned over to give her a welcoming hug. We chatted about our journeys, comparing travel notes and sharing how our trips had unfolded. To my surprise, Julie handed me a gift wrapped in red tissue paper. Inside was a beautiful Highland cow candle holder.
“Julie, you shouldn’t have. Thank you so much.”
Leaving Julie to enjoy her breakfast, hubby and I headed out for a quick walk to try and calm my anxiety. Little did we know that the access lift to the dining room had broken down, meaning Julie couldn’t get to breakfast at all. While hubby and I wandered around the block, poor Julie was left trying to find an alternative. I felt awful when I found out.
We had arranged to meet in reception at around 8.30am to wait for someone from ITV to collect us. I can’t remember the exact time, but a young woman with a warm smile arrived and, after wishing us good morning, escorted Julie towards the accessible entrance while hubby and I made our way down the hotel steps.
The ITV studio was very unassuming, tucked away on an ordinary street. I was quite shocked. Security opened the door to reveal the reception area, and there, staring straight back at me, was a huge ITV logo.
Wow! I’m here… I’m really here!
Tom from Dementia UK had also arrived to support both Julie and me. At last, my anxiety began to settle and excitement took over. I couldn’t quite believe it.
Julie and I managed a quick photo before she was ushered towards the lift while hubby and I took the stairs. What I hadn’t expected was just how many stairs there were and we were going down!
Eventually, a door opened onto a black corridor filled with screens, switches and wires. We were shown into a dressing room…a real dressing room, complete with mirrors surrounded by lights. I was beside myself with excitement.
People were everywhere, rushing from place to place, each offering a quick “good morning” as they passed. Suddenly, Lorraine Kelly swept past the room, followed shortly afterwards by Martin Lewis. My eyes were darting everywhere.
There were introductions from producers and staff, but my dementia brain recalls very few names, only lots of warm smiles.
Soon, we were called for makeup. I went to the makeup room while Julie had hers done in the dressing room. As I sat having my makeup applied, Dr Zoe Williams came in. We introduced ourselves and began chatting. She noticed my accent and asked where I was from. I explained that I now live near Blackpool but originally came from the Burnley area. To my surprise, Dr Zoe is from Burnley too.
Then, through the mirror, I spotted Ben Shephard taking a seat behind me.
Oh my goodness, this was all so surreal. I was having my makeup professionally done, surrounded by presenters and staff from ITV’s This Morning…What is going on?!
After makeup, everything became a little blurred. I remember being led back down the black corridor to the studio, where we waited outside the doors. Out walked Nick Ferrari and Ashley Louise James.
Now it was our turn!
The studio doors opened, revealing the set of This Morning. Ben Shephard and Cat Deeley stood near the sofa. Around five or six huge cameras were positioned around the studio, with lights suspended from the ceiling above. It didn’t seem real. It felt as though I was living in a dream.
Ben and Cat came forward to welcome Julie and me while hubby and Tom from Dementia UK stood behind the cameras.
This was it.
After a brief chat to help us feel comfortable, it was suddenly:
“Five, four, three, two, one…”
The This Morning theme tune began to play.
“You’re on air.”
The interview started. ( you can watch the interview by clicking the link below)
It felt as though only seconds had passed before it was all over. There was still so much I wanted to say. I wanted to talk about Admiral Nurses, about how life changes after a diagnosis, and about how people can often be treated differently. I’d made so many notes about things that I felt were important.
Yet, despite that, I remain incredibly grateful. Julie and I had been given a platform to share even a small part of our experiences and to shine a light on life with dementia.
Afterwards, there was only time for a brief chat with Ben, Cat and Dr Zoe, although little did I know that Ben had also taken the time to chat with John.
It was time to leave the studio, the programme had to continue, and we needed to collect our cases and begin the journey home.
Dr Zoe grabbed a quick selfie with me and Julie just before we headed off
Our cars were waiting outside for us, one heading to Euston and the other to King’s Cross.
It was time to say goodbye after such a special, surreal morning…One that I hope I will never forget.
Too Young for Dementia? 