Published Monday 29 June 2026

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Diary from Tuesday 23rd June 2026

Just after 5am, I lay in bed trying to remain perfectly still. Hubby was beside me, something I’m totally not used to. We have slept in separate rooms for the last few years because of my sleep disturbances, so this morning felt strange. I couldn’t move around in bed, there would be no early morning walk, and my usual routine was completely out of sync. I felt trapped within the four walls of the hotel room.

My stomach was doing somersaults and I didn’t feel particularly well. Anxiety always affects my stomach, often leaving me constantly running to the bathroom. I’d been like this for the last few days, which explained why I hadn’t been eating much. Before long, I found myself back in the bathroom yet again.

About an hour later, hubby woke, completely unaware that I’d spent most of the previous hour in and out of the bathroom. He asked how I was feeling and whether I could manage breakfast.

“No,” I replied, “but I’ll come with you. At least I can have a proper cup of tea.” Sweet tea would do just fine this morning.

Once hubby had showered, we headed down for breakfast. The dining room was filled with both music and morning television.

Oh my goodness, what a clash of noise!

I sat sipping my sweet black tea while hubby enjoyed a full English breakfast. I couldn’t think of anything worse than food that morning. No, actually, I could …the television and the music competing to see which could be the loudest.

After breakfast, we climbed the stairs into the bar area where Julie was sitting alone.

“Good morning,” I said.

Julie looked up from her phone as I leaned over to give her a welcoming hug. We chatted about our journeys, comparing travel notes and sharing how our trips had unfolded. To my surprise, Julie handed me a gift wrapped in red tissue paper. Inside was a beautiful Highland cow candle holder.

“Julie, you shouldn’t have. Thank you so much.”

Leaving Julie to enjoy her breakfast, hubby and I headed out for a quick walk to try and calm my anxiety. Little did we know that the access lift to the dining room had broken down, meaning Julie couldn’t get to breakfast at all. While hubby and I wandered around the block, poor Julie was left trying to find an alternative. I felt awful when I found out.

We had arranged to meet in reception at around 8.30am to wait for someone from ITV to collect us. I can’t remember the exact time, but a young woman with a warm smile arrived and, after wishing us good morning, escorted Julie towards the accessible entrance while hubby and I made our way down the hotel steps.

The ITV studio was very unassuming, tucked away on an ordinary street. I was quite shocked. Security opened the door to reveal the reception area, and there, staring straight back at me, was a huge ITV logo.

Wow! I’m here… I’m really here!

Tom from Dementia UK had also arrived to support both Julie and me. At last, my anxiety began to settle and excitement took over. I couldn’t quite believe it.

Julie and I managed a quick photo before she was ushered towards the lift while hubby and I took the stairs. What I hadn’t expected was just how many stairs there were and we were going down!

Eventually, a door opened onto a black corridor filled with screens, switches and wires. We were shown into a dressing room…a real dressing room, complete with mirrors surrounded by lights. I was beside myself with excitement.

People were everywhere, rushing from place to place, each offering a quick “good morning” as they passed. Suddenly, Lorraine Kelly swept past the room, followed shortly afterwards by Martin Lewis. My eyes were darting everywhere.

There were introductions from producers and staff, but my dementia brain recalls very few names, only lots of warm smiles.

Soon, we were called for makeup. I went to the makeup room while Julie had hers done in the dressing room. As I sat having my makeup applied, Dr Zoe Williams came in. We introduced ourselves and began chatting. She noticed my accent and asked where I was from. I explained that I now live near Blackpool but originally came from the Burnley area. To my surprise, Dr Zoe is from Burnley too.

Then, through the mirror, I spotted Ben Shephard taking a seat behind me.

Oh my goodness, this was all so surreal. I was having my makeup professionally done, surrounded by presenters and staff from ITV’s This Morning…What is going on?!

After makeup, everything became a little blurred. I remember being led back down the black corridor to the studio, where we waited outside the doors. Out walked Nick Ferrari and Ashley Louise James.

Now it was our turn!

The studio doors opened, revealing the set of This Morning. Ben Shephard and Cat Deeley stood near the sofa. Around five or six huge cameras were positioned around the studio, with lights suspended from the ceiling above. It didn’t seem real. It felt as though I was living in a dream.

Ben and Cat came forward to welcome Julie and me while hubby and Tom from Dementia UK stood behind the cameras.

This was it.

After a brief chat to help us feel comfortable, it was suddenly:

“Five, four, three, two, one…”

The This Morning theme tune began to play.

“You’re on air.”

The interview started. ( you can watch the interview by clicking the link below)

https://www.itv.com/thismorning/articles/the-dementia-rebels-refusing-to-be-defined-by-their-diagnosis

It felt as though only seconds had passed before it was all over. There was still so much I wanted to say. I wanted to talk about Admiral Nurses, about how life changes after a diagnosis, and about how people can often be treated differently. I’d made so many notes about things that I felt were important.

Yet, despite that, I remain incredibly grateful. Julie and I had been given a platform to share even a small part of our experiences and to shine a light on life with dementia.

Afterwards, there was only time for a brief chat with Ben, Cat and Dr Zoe, although little did I know that Ben had also taken the time to chat with John.

It was time to leave the studio, the programme had to continue, and we needed to collect our cases and begin the journey home.

Dr Zoe grabbed a quick selfie with me and Julie just before we headed off

Our cars were waiting outside for us, one heading to Euston and the other to King’s Cross.

It was time to say goodbye after such a special, surreal morning…One that I hope I will never forget.

Friday June 26th 2026

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Monday 22nd June 2026

Everything had come together at the very last minute after a friend of mine Julie Hayden gave the ITV my contact details which inevitably led to confusion and a frantic rush to work logistics out, so I could join her at the ITV studios in London.

The morning of our travel was a whirlwind. I had a meeting with Dementia UK at 9.30am, followed by another appointment at 10am. In between, there were also the practicalities to think about

1. Making sure Toby and Sooty our Scottie’s were sorted and everything prepared for my kind neighbour, who had kindly offered to look after them while we were away overnight in London

2. Then there was my own preparation, particularly preparing my head. I don’t retain information very well, so the house was covered in notes and Post-it reminders.

Excitement was bubbling away inside me, but anxiety was doing its very best to take over. It is very difficult to enjoy yourself when anxiety is hanging around.

Thankfully, hubby finished work early so he could travel with me. If he hadn’t been escorting me, I honestly don’t think I would have got on that train to London. In truth, I probably wouldn’t even have accepted the opportunity. I need familiarity around me these days and without it, I find coping incredibly difficult.

At 1.20pm, the taxi arrived. Our neighbours waved us off like celebrities, which made me smile. During the journey, the taxi driver asked where we were going and, somehow, the conversation turned to dementia. He told me he had started forgetting words and names and then spoke about his 90-year-old father, who lives in a care home, sleeps most of the time and can no longer talk, although he still points at photographs.

Each time the driver mentioned his own memory problems, I gently suggested he make an appointment with his GP, but my comments seemed to be ignored. It always fascinates me how people can assume they know more about dementia than someone actually living with dementia .

We arrived at Blackpool North station in plenty of time. My anxiety was still hovering in the background, although it wasn’t quite as intense. Perhaps it was wishful thinking. I had purchased a spray for anxiety that was supposed to relieve the symptoms when sprayed on the tongue. Whether it worked or not, I wasn’t sure.

We boarded the train, only to arrive at Preston to discover there was a forty-minute delay for our connecting train to London Euston. Immediately, the fidgeting started. All I wanted was to be on my way to London. I was secretly hoping that once the journey was underway my anxiety would finally settle.

Anxiety is awful and can make you feel physically unwell; it can be utterly debilitating.

Eventually, we were on our way. It took a good forty-five minutes to an hour before I relaxed enough to eat anything, then it was only a couple of water biscuits and a few plain crisps, which I had been living off for the previous three days. I always turn to plain bland foods when anxiety has my stomach in knots

I really hope this opportunity will be worth it.

We finally arrived in London later than expected. The car that had been booked for us kept messaging me, but whenever I tried to reply, the messages bounced back. By this point, I had had enough, it was simply adding to my stress.

After finally getting in touch through a very difficult telephone conversation, made even harder by a language barrier, we eventually established that the driver would wait for us.

Finding the car booked for us proved to be another challenge altogether. Arriving in a strange place, surrounded by crowds of people, is far easier said than done. After walking around the outside of the station and squeezing through barriers, we eventually found the car.

The streets of London were on another level, packed solid with traffic, nose to tail, creeping along at a snail’s pace. I gazed out of the window, taking in the colours, sounds and towering concrete-lined streets. To me, it all felt rather claustrophobic. I need open spaces, peace and calm; that’s where I feel most comfortable.

At last, we arrived at our hotel, tucked away on a narrow street amongst the old shops and cafés of Covent Garden. Towering above them all, the hotel offered spectacular views across the London skyline.

Once unpacked, we ventured out for a short wander. We were tired, exhausted and just a little hungry, although not hungry enough for a proper meal. A McDonald’s Happy Meal was enough for me, and even then, I couldn’t finish it. Anxiety had left my stomach in knots for days.

Hopefully, once tomorrow afternoon arrives and the ITV interview is over, the anxiety will ease, and we can begin our journey home, back to my familiarity, my sanctuary.

Tuesday 22nd June 2026

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It started out as just a normal day, following the same old routine. I pottered around the house and garden, tidying up and looking for little jobs to keep me busy. Then the postman – otherwise known as my hubby – arrived with a parcel I had been patiently waiting for: my new mobile phone.

My excitement grew as I opened the box and saw the bright orange phone staring back at me. “Well, I won’t lose that one!” I thought. I put it straight on charge so I could set it up later.

I sat down for lunch and picked up my iPad to check my emails. That’s when I saw it – an email from ITV.

Dear Gail

My name is Alex and i work at ITV’s This Morningprogramme. Julie Hayden who is featured in this article from the Guardian is happy to speak to us about living well with dementia on our programme next Tuesday……

We are looking for another person who feels the same way who can come on with her. 

Julie gave me your email address and i wondered whether it’s something you might be interested in.Please let me know and then i could give you a call. 

I read it once, then twice, and then a third time just to make sure I hadn’t imagined it. I’m always cautious about scams, so I Googled the sender to check they were genuine.

I couldn’t wait to share the exciting news with my hubby. I also needed to know whether he could accompany me to London because there’s no way I’d be managing that journey on my own!

Before I knew it, I was having a conversation with one of the ITV news producers. We had a great chat, followed by several more emails, and suddenly my head was spinning – but in the best possible way.

Thankfully, it was all systems go. On Monday 23rd June, me and hubby will be travelling to London by train, and on Tuesday 24th I’ll be in the ITV studios.

Watch this space…

Monday 22nd June 2026

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We often move through life focused only on what affects us, rarely pausing to consider the experiences of those we encounter each day…as humans we can be quite blinkered

We can pass people every single day without truly seeing them, we don’t seem to tune in to what is going on in their own lives.

It might be the snappy cashier trying her best to smile even though she is trying to hold together a problem marriage.
It might be your doctor who seems distracted, but what we don’t realise, he could have spent the night sitting beside a hospital bed with his sick mum.

From stranger who looks angry, cold or impatient, to grumpy taxi driver, we have no idea what problems, troubles and the pain people carry

We sometimes don’t even realise what’s going on within our own families. People are so busy and just get caught up in their own lives that they forget about others

When it comes to understanding what others may be going through, we are often quick to judge from the outside, not giving time to find out what’s going on in the inside of the person.

It is strange when you think about it. We all know pain. We all know worry, heartbreak, fear, disappointment and struggle. Yet somehow, when those things belong to someone else, it’s a totally different story, I suppose we can all be dismissive and quick to assume.

Maybe it is because everyone is rushing. No one has time to stop and find out why we are actually acting in a certain way, no one likes to think that someone’s life could actually be really messy behind closed doors.

We see reactions without knowing the reasons behind them.

A short temper might be anxiety.
Silence might be depression.
Distance might be survival.
Lateness might be exhaustion.
And sometimes, just sometimes, strength is simply just getting out of bed.

The truth is, most people we know are all carrying something.

Some carry visible struggles, but many carry invisible ones.

And because we cannot physically see these struggles, we sometimes behave as though they do not exist.

Just imagine how different the world could feel if we paused before judging.

If we replaced assumption with curiosity and just took time to ask.
If we chose empathy over criticism.
If we remembered that every person we meet has a life.

Kindness does not always need grand gestures. Sometimes it is just patience a listening ear and sometimes it is just nice to be nice and not make someone’s day harder than it already is.

A little understanding can go further than we realise.

We are all fighting our own private battles and it’s important to remember…Just because someone hides their pain well does not mean it hurts any less.

We shouldn’t assume we know the full story.

Because most of the time, we do not.

Monday 15th June 2026

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Last week, I had my annual medical, the one I always dread, the one to check if I’m still fit to drive. My blood pressure was through the roof as I sat nervously with my husband, waiting for the doctor to go through my notes. “How are you doing?” he asked. “I’m okay,” I replied, my usual, safe answer.

I don’t like to go into every little change or how I’m really feeling; I’d rather just keep plodding along in my own little world.

My doctor loves to talk, so he carried most of the conversation. At one point, I had to hold up my hand like a stop sign just to get a word in. Hubby and the doctor both went quiet, which was a relief, I sometimes struggle to keep up when conversations move too quickly.

We talked about my sidekick, and the doctor agreed that while I’m slowing down a bit, it doesn’t affect my ability to drive. There are changes, of course, some I’ve come to accept, and I’m learning how to adjust and adapt.

I also mentioned my anxiety, which seems to follow me everywhere. “Looks like I’ve picked up a shadow to go with my sidekick,” I joked. We all laughed.

Overall, the doctor was positive and encouraging. “Keep doing what you’re doing,” he said, “but keep an eye on that blood pressure, it’s a bit high.” I left with a smile, especially when he confirmed I’m fit to drive for another 12 months. Yippee!

Monday 8th June 2026

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Over the past six years, I have tried to document the reality …My reality of living with early-onset Alzheimer’s, with my annoying sidekick!

I’ve written about foggy days when words slip away, and embraced the small victories, when I have adapted and something has worked well.

I’ve shared stories of keeping active by walking with my two Scotties by my side, I’ve learnt new crafts, joined lived experience groups and together we have laughed at my Alzheimer’s adventures, like the time I lost my phone among the sausages in the supermarket! I’ve cried, been angry and found joy in the special moments…Moments of meaningfulness.

Your encouragement and comments as you joined me by reading my blogs have often been a comfort, and knowing my experiences resonate with others is kind of a comfort.

Deciding to slow down was a hard decision, but now I have realised it’s been one of my best decisions. No more scheduled twice-weekly posts, frantic note-taking, photographs to jog my memory or guilt for missed blogs or unfinished artwork.

Shifting to a gentler pace, is something I thought I would struggle with, but by not stopping blogging completely its allowing me the best of both worlds

I think the decision was made harder because I felt as though I might be letting people down or abandoning those whom follow me regularly. What I hadn’t realised was the size and warmth of all the people reading my blogs…

Your emails, comments, shares, and likes have been overwhelming, I never truly grasped how many people have followed. You’ve shown me that this chapter in my life is not mine alone, it’s has been and still is a shared one

I will continue to pop in occasionally with updates, reflections, and stories about whatever me, hubby my sidekick and of course my four legged friends and I are up to.

I’m spending more time outdoors, enjoying moments with nature, just sitting in the garden and just letting my mind rest.

I don’t wish to talk about my sidekick all the time as i am still Gail

I know Alzheimer’s doesn’t have a pause button, so this is why I have chosen to relax and be kinder to myself.

Thank you, for following, sharing your thoughts, comments and simply just being around.

Monday 1st June 2026

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If you’ve been following my journey, you know I’ve been navigating the ups and downs of living with dementia. It’s a can dim my world in unexpected ways, foggy memories, moments of confusion, the days that feel really heavy.

Lately something so simple has been lifting my spirits, the Wonderful Sunshine. And the best part is I can finally get outside to soak all that vitamin D

There is something so comforting about feeling the warmth of the sunlight on my skin.

The warmth seeps through my body, chasing away the chill and the feeling of isolation. It’s not just physical, it’s also emotional. The sun makes me feel alive and connected to the world, there is life beyond my four walls.

It’s a boost to my system

Science backs up that Sunshine triggers our bodies to produce vitamin D, which supports brain health and mood regulation. sunlight exposure can reduce agitation and improve sleep, that’s if the nights are not too warm.

When I’m outside in the fresh air, it helps to clears my head, any fogginess clears and brings the joy back… which makes me smile!

Even on tough days, when words are muddled causing frustration, a short walk in the sun can reset me. I feel calmer, more myself. Smiles are easier as I watch the birds flit about…It makes me feel so alive, surely dementia can never take the feeling that the sunshine brings.

Life with dementia for me means meetings, routines , those bad head days, all of which keeps me indoors, which I sometimes resent.

I often peer through my windows, wishing i was chasing those sunbeams in the outside world.

I need to change, i think i need to listen to my heart more!

Wednesday 27th May 2026

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Over the last 6-7 years I have attended groups that have been suggested to me. How many times have i heard…” You will love this group”

But …”How do you know I will!”

How many times have i heard …” You will get on so well, there are people of your age”

You can’t just expect people that have never met before, to just instantly get along with each other!

I have now stopped asking for support, I feel like I’m banging my head against a brick wall for a mixture of reasons

Repeated requests and rejection makes me feel inadequate, I can’t keep repeating myself anymore, I can’t take the constant disappointment.

The constant knock backs are exhausting and what people dont understand is that asking for help requires a certain vulnerability.

It takes a lot for me to ask for help, so when I finally pluck up the courage, to say those words “ I think I need some help” I mean it!

But to keep asking is draining!

I think this could be why lots of people stop asking for help. Because it drains us of our energy, our judgment and our self esteem.

If you ask and keep getting knocked back, you do eventually stop asking…This is me at the moment.

Rejection brings withdrawal which then brings isolation, self silencing and erosion of hope.

I have come to believe that nothing will change, so why bother?

I am withdrawing because I just can’t see the point of asking for help, even campaigning is becoming a challenge…I’m just so fed up and frustrated.

I know I am most probably isolating myself or is it that I’m protecting myself from the constant feeling being letdown

Coping alone brings less effort and energy

People don’t quit simply because they no longer need something, people walk away when the numbers no longer add up.

Friday 22nd May 2026

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The air is cooler this morning the light hasn’t quite yet revealed what the day will be. When i set off for my early morning walk just before the world awakens, it’s like stepping into a different world…Everything is so silent

Walking is part of my daily ritual, no matter what the weather I’m always out and about with my two best furry friends.

This morning I’m heading off to Fleetwood Nature Reserve to hopefully catch the sun rising over the River Wyre and the distant hills

In the half-light, the hill’s contours are like a dark silhouette against the sky. The world is simplified, the details are hidden away; sounds of the birds take on a clarity that full daylight disturbs and muddles my brain

I find a spot and settle. The skies colours change, as soon as the orange glow appears I watch intently waiting for the sun to rise behind the distant hills

Sounds of nature in the distance, a single crow calls, then another answers. All different types of birds begin their own chorus, testing harmonies as they announce the new day.

Then the spectacle arrives as the rim of the sun appears, molten gold begins to glow, shadows sharpen and colours bloom across the sky. Orange deepens into coral colour, then a stubborn clear blue. Everything looks new …a new morning, a new day

The dewy grass glistens with reflected light, a spiderweb catches the sun and glows like fine silver, dew drops bead like tiny jewels

Watching is quite special a reminder that this my small hour is part of something much larger.

Problems look different at dawn. They don’t vanish, but the light makes them less claustrophobic and also a reminder that the world continues to turn

Photography is a must… I must capture the moment, a perfect memory. The first light of a sun rise is quite flattering, and there will always be plenty of perfect frames waiting for my camera.

I always step away from the lens for a while, just to let my eyes and ears capture the beauty of nature

The sun climbs over the hilltops, the magical moment breaks, the colours fade, more noises fill the air…Dogs barking, cars rev, the soft rhythm is broken…A new day begins

Nature is beautiful and we have to remember there are things in life that begin beautifully without our doing…Just to witness a sunrise unfold is so special.

Monday 18th May 2026

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When people say…

“ You’re so brave”

“ I don’t know how you do it”

“ You’re doing really well”

“ Aww, you would never know you was living with dementia “

Comments like these are not support! They don’t make me feel any better…Infact they have the opposite effect

Saying “You would never know you were living with dementia” might sound like a compliment, but it can be deeply harmful. Yes, you might think you are giving praise, but it often has the opposite effect…And it’s definitely not support!

This comment can be quite isolating and it’s just another excuse not to offer support. Just another abandonment disguised as praise.

Comments like the above can hurt, it’s like you are denying my experience. Dementia brings real losses, confusion, frustration, fear and loneliness. Telling me or anyone they “don’t look like” they have dementia can make dementia feel invalid or invisible.

When friends, family medical professionals keep acting like everything is fine, it makes it less likely to get the practical support, I may need to improve quality of life.

It also makes me feel i must hide my mistakes or downplay my struggles to keep receiving positive reactions, which in the long run increases my anxiety and reduces good communication. In the end it all becomes quite isolating.

Why is it so difficult to acknowledge someone’s needs?

People should be offering concrete help, instead of those vague compliments.

You should be focusing on each person’s needs not just assuming everyones needs are the same, so don’t brush my struggles under the carpet or anyone else’s struggles, face up to supporting

It’s okay to have bad days and needing help doesn’t mean anyone has failed.

Resources should be available, there is no need for a crises if the correct support is set in place.

People should think before speaking, sometimes that well intentioned praise can erases your reality, and is just another form of abandonment.

True support balances respect, honesty, and practical help, and the needs of the person…Don’t pretend dementia doesn’t exist, by giving praise.

We need support!