Diary – I’ve missed writing my blog

Well I have missed writing my blog for a few days…not because I had forgotten…I just took a short break as it is getting hard to try and fit everything in somedays.

I have my photos to jog my memory, as I take photos of everything and anything throughout my days now

Friday 31st July 2020

Day on the Beach with Family

The sky late last night was strangely different, but interestingly nice

Out early as usual, and what a beautiful morning it is too

I have a zoom call with Ron at 9am this morning so I am super organised

I have already walked the dogs and cake in the oven before my 9am zoom call

I have visitors arriving today and we are having a picnic and a beach day so I am waiting very impatiently as they have called to say they will be late as they are held up in traffic.

It’s around 11.20 am everything is prepared and I am pacing up and down, keep going to the window to have a look…go and sit back down then two minutes later I am up again. This goes on until they arrive which I think was just after 12.

We sort the things out from the car that my daughter had brought over…woo lovely flowers ❤️

A bag full of new school uniforms that need name tags in…I have done this for the past 6/7 years sewing all the name tags in. I embroider the names onto tape then sew them into each item of clothing.

We all walk to the beach together ( Hubby to join us when he has finished work)

The 2 boys are excited and I’m not surprised as they have been in isolation for 14 days.

They had a great time, even tried swimming in the sea under the watchful eye of grandad

Late afternoon it’s time for them to head off home before the rush hour traffic, we say our goodbyes as we won’t see the boys now for quite a few weeks as they are setting off for Verwood in Dorset in the morning to spend summer with their Dad.

Was a lovely day, great to have our fun on the beach day, even though I’m shattered now

What a great end to the day…with a beautiful night sky.

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Saturday 1st August 2020

Toby’s visit to the vets & wearing masks

Hubby’s weekend off, not that we have anything planned.

I slept later than normal was going up for 7am before I woke ( I had been up 3 times during the night) which is unusual it’s normally before or around 6am and the dogs where even sleeping, which is very strange.

Me and Toby off for our morning walk about 7.30am and I forgot to take my phone with me…you would think I had a memory problem!

We have to take Toby for his 12months check and booster injections this morning, who is not impressed about sitting in the car on his own

So he winged and he whines all the way!

In the vets we have quite a wait and I’m getting warm, my mask is getting too much as I feel like I can’t breath…I go back to the car where at least I can remove the mask and have some fresh air.

I hate the masks, I tend to breathe heavier and the mask ends up being soggy & damp from my breath. I really don’t like them. I do have a badge that I could wear

But I feel guilty for not wearing a mask and people look at you…with that “why have you no mask on” look! So I wear one.

Hubby comes back to the car with a very relived Toby! Think he was glad to be back outside too. Injections up to date, all checked over…apparently he has lost quite a bit of weight and has a heart murmur. Nothing to worry about at the moment…fingers crossed 🤞🏽 Will I worry most probably, but then again I could forget!

After lunch I have all these jobs in my head that I am going to do…think I was dreaming as I only managed a couple, far too tired to do the rest. They will save for another day!

I get all the school uniforms labelled as I had embroidered the name tags a few weeks ago, so I only had them to sew in and I do it by machine so it’s quicker…Still takes a while though or I have just slowed down!

I then finish of my squares for the Deep blanket…now it’s nearly time to make tea.

I get a FaceTime from Chris who is in hospital, was lovely to speak with her. I now know she is on the mend and making progress so hopefully she will be home after the weekend.

So all in all a busy Saturday

Time to chill now…shower…pjs…a bit of tv…bed.

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Sunday 2nd August 2020

Card making and YouTube

Had a decent nights sleep again, not with out waking twice in the night I might add…the difference is I wake and go back to sleep within 10-20 minutes and not struggle to go back to sleep or have to get up and make a brew. So yep a good night!

On the beach around 7.40am, Charlie was going through all the seaweed looking for dead things to roll over, so he’s back on the lead, Toby playing ball as per usual.

Not a bad morning, cloudy but the sun is shining.

Today I am going to video the Z fold cards and upload to YouTube. That will certainly pass a few hours on.

After I have finished doing 3 videos all about 15 minutes long I am shattered, it’s the concentration, extra brain work! Exhausting!

I have notes in front of me to help and everything I will need to hand to make things easier. I might mumble, I might repeat myself. I really don’t care as this is me!

I do not edit the videos they are just me as I am with my sidekick Alzheimer’s hopefully behaving.

Hubby makes a brew around 2pm , I sit outside in the sun the next thing I know it’s nearly 3pm… I had fallen asleep. Not like me, but today it’s been very much like I’m in slow motion everything is taking me longer, I have little energy, a little lethargic…Hubby said I look like I’m away with the fairy’s!

I feel ok but I don’t see what I look like

Below are the cards I made during the videos recorded today.

The videos are on YouTube to make all 3 of these Z Fold Cards

I’m loving making cards, but I do get carried away with the moment.
Loosing all track of time.


Diary – Zoom morning – Afternoon gardening

Wednesday 29th July 2020

I’m up a little later today and only woke once during the night, which is amazing for me!

My head is clearer, not 100% but so much better than yesterday.

I’m out walking around 7.30am with the dogs and it’s a quiet beach this morning.

I take one of the book marks I have made and place it on the steps down to the beach

Let’s see if it’s found, I hope they share it on Twitter or Facebook so I know who found it.

Toby checking out the beach

Charlie checking the beach out.

Charlie taking in the sounds of the beach…Relax…and Breathe looks like he is meditating.

I have two Zoom meetings this morning

Dementia Diaries 10am

Making face masks 11am – I’m showing James and a few other people how to make the easy face masks on a Zoom meeting.

So a busy morning for me.

After lunch I take time out in the garden…just pottering around in my own little world. Clearing up after the wind and rain and just basically tidying around.

Just keeping away from computers and iPads as much as I can today, giving my brain a bit of a rest from technology.

Hence the sort blog again today

Diary – A little fuzzy

Tuesday 28th July 2020

I wake but feel a little fuzzy from the aftermath of yesterdays zoom meetings. My head and eyes feel funny and I did contemplate going back to bed but Toby is looking at me with those…I need a walk eyes …I am a big softy where Toby is concerned.

Flick our 14 year old Westie sleeps most of the day and has got to the stage where she is becoming a little incontinent, so we have to keep a close eye on her as she needs to go out in the garden more often. It’s ok when the weather is nice as I can leave the back door open to the garden…when it’s raining I’m on Flick watch.

She is also sleeping into deeper sleeps now, so I have to wake her for meals etc.

Charlie walks when he feels like it, which is normally every other day, he is a lazy King Charles Spaniel and would rather be nice and cozy having a treat or two rather than walking. He just likes to dig pebbles in the sand on the beach

All in all they are really good dogs and great company for me.

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I have been busy starting off one of the Craftivism Projects which Philly from Innovations in Dementia is leading

Craftivism is all about the pride of making something yourself…while sending a message to the world.

I am producing 50 face masks kits which Deep are giving away Free! Each kit has a yellow badge embroidered with the words ” I want to speak please” (just like our cards we use)

These kits are only for people living with dementia and will be limited to one each.

It will be a first come, first served!

You can contact me or watch out for the Deep News Letter (coming soon) on how to order.

The beach walk was a very windy one this morning thought it might help to ease my head, perhaps clear some fuzz.

So much seaweed, rubbish and dead wildlife’s on the beach…we don’t stay on very long as it’s too upsetting as we passing the half eaten, I assume porpoise or seal & lots of birds which are entangled in the thick line of seaweed that line the beach.

I’m home reading what I thought was George’s blog…takes me a while then I realise it’s my blog!

How I love the tricks my sidekick Alzheimer’s plays with my head!

Computers, iPads and phones are not going down well with my head today as the fuzz is looking like it’s setting in for the day.

The fuzz!

Sometimes nauseous, not all the time

Balance issues

Low energy

Confusion

Perception – walk into door frames

It’s the only thing that actually slows me down

Short blog today as difficult to focus and find words.

Tomorrow is a new day, which will be better 🤞🏽

Diary – New Group

Monday 27th July 2020

I was in bed just after 9pm last night, shattered from the lack of sleep and brain working far too hard during the day.

I don’t think I will ever learn to take things easy!

I’m not a sit back and do nothing person, I’m a…have to be on the go kinda person.

You most probably won’t believe it if I told you that my life is very quiet now compared to how it was around 5+ years ago.

So yes I have always been a busy person, with some new project on the go.

Just cause I have dementia does not mean I have to stop. I have just slowed down considerably and my brain has to work harder…most probably why I get so many headaches!

But I am still living life and enjoying it ( most of the time anyway)

It’s all the inspirational people that I have met on my lockdown journey that have inspired me to try new things and pick up on some of the old, as I did go a little quiet on the crafting front for a good while after my diagnosis. Then again I did feel like I had nothing more left to give, if that makes sense.

Now I am involved with groups, they have sort of brought that back out of me. It’s not all about telling your story of your dementia journey…it’s about trying new things…meeting new people, sharing and supporting.

Well it’s very wet outside today, very wet indeed.

Still went for our morning walk

We looked like drowned rats when eventually reach home…wasn’t the most enjoyable walk but we got our morning walk fix and fresh air.

I am joining a new group on zoom today. I join the group and there are a few familiar faces.

After we have finished, I don’t know if it’s the group for me, still thinking about that one.

I’m a little tired after the Zoom meeting as I found it quite intense and my brain having to think quick as I was asked questions like ” how do you feel” ” have you anything to say. Woo puts me on the spot.

Normally I would hold a card up if I have anything to say.

Sometimes I am happy just to sit and listen to everyone.

Zoomettes later, I’m shattered and finding it hard to concentrate and my eyes are heavy with staring at the computer screen, so I leave early finish off my emails and blog

Shower time, pj’s on

Chill time!

Diary – Weekend

Saturday 25th July 2020

I woke a little later than usual, not that I had slept well as I had been up 3 times during the night.

The weather is a little miserable today…great clouds and drizzling but it doesn’t stop me andToby going for our walk on the beach

Can’t see Blackpool Tower very clear this morning, even Mary’s Shell is hard to see.

It’s a gloomy looking day indeed.

I record my Dementia Diaries and send them through to be published.

I also record the Deep News Audio and send those through. I had to record a couple of times as I kept going wrong, not as easy as it seems reading, but I think they are ok…well I’ve sent them anyway and I’m sure they will contact me if they need to be done again.

I decide to bake some buns, haven’t baked for a couple of weeks and it will pass a bit of time, so off I go to bake.

My daughter rings me…everyone is ok. No COVID symptoms and only another week in isolation…her employer is giving her the weeks holiday back, so she will now be able to book a holiday at a later date hopefully…the only thing is lots of places are booked up or prices are sky high as it’s now peak time.

We have a good natter and a catch up before saying our goodbyes.

I’m in the craft room making cards for a couple of hours in the afternoon, my chill time.

Sunday 26th July 2020

I wake just before 3am and can not get back to sleep…decide its easier to get up, than to stare around the dark room, flipping backwards and forwards like a fish out of water.

I sit in my recliner going through the internet, when I decide to do my own portrayal of Alzheimer’s as most publications are of older people.

I see 4am…5am well I am clearly not going to sleep so time to get up I think.

I make a brew then go into my craft room to make some cards and bookmarks. The bookmarks are just off cuts of card with designs laminated to seal the bookmark and on the back is a little message “well done you have found me, made with love from a person with dementia ❤️”

I am going to strategically place a bookmark everyday for a few weeks (weather permitting) Definitely not today as it was far to blustery today to leave one

Photo taken from our early morning beach walk.

Back home I’m writing my blog and other things for social media while hubby makes brunch.

The smoke alarm goes off in the hall ( I can not stand the noise)

I shout “No the fire extinguisher”…to which hubby comments ” do you mean smoke alarm” The things I sometimes come out with…We have to laugh 😂

I have been busy…but at the same time chillin…making cards in my craft room…just taking my time getting lost in the moment of Christmas trees, card and double sided tape.

Early evening I finish writing my blog & check my diary to see what I have planned for next week. I have 2 extra zoom meetings next week so may have to do some juggling about if it gets too much.

I will just take it a day at a time and see what happens.

Diary – Waisted Day

Friday 24th July 2020

Hubby’s day off work today and I wake to a beautiful sunny day.

So I’m out on the beach with Toby and Charlie, they make the most of the weather too by taking a dip in a pool on the beach.

I record a diary while I’m on the beach for Dementia Diaries, I haven’t played it back as yet, so don’t know if I will be sending it through or not. I am better if I write things down so I have something to read from, rather than just talking as I forget what I have said or stumble with my words, but I suppose this is me now and this is how I am sometimes…so I might leave it even if I am stumbling on words.

It’s been a funny day, one of our cars had to go for its annual service, which is near to St Anne’s (the other side of Blackpool) so it’s a bit of a trek.

Feels like we have waisted a full day just hanging around and driving backwards and forwards to the garage. We would normally get a courtesy car or have a waiting slot but due to coronavirus neither are available. So we just had to go with the changes of leave the car and wait for a phone call.

On our drive over to the garage we do the costal road, oh my word it is so busy. I can not believe the traffic.

We drop off the car, do some errands then head off to visit Peter, just a quick stop to say hello…It was nice to see him, as he has been having so many problems with his phone….At least we have seen each other now.

It has been so unfortunate that the lockdown came just as Peter got the keys to a small office to set up the Peter Lyttle Foundation. So Peter has not been able to set the office up as yet.

Peter mentioned going to the office August, I am not keen if I am honest and did explain that. The office is only small so safe distancing is my main concern.

Toilets may also be a bit of a problem…who cleans the toilets, as I would imagine the cleanliness would have to be addressed with COVID.

It is also the safety of others using the office & toilets when visiting…the cleanliness and the safety measures that would have to be in place before even opening which makes it even more difficult.

These are such difficult times.

Late afternoon the car is ready and we have to make the hour and a half round trip to collect our car…it was exhausting…so much concentration with the driving and the volume of traffic and also crowds of holidaymakers…You would never think that there is a virus around.

So that’s my day as the sky is darkening looking like rain.

Diary – Loosing my words

Thursday 23rd July 2020

Sleep getting a little better this week, still waking 2 or 3 times during the night but at least I am going back to sleep…not like last week when I was just wide awake pacing around finding things to do.

So this week has been a much better week on the sleep front.

I think the tiredness I am struggling with at the moment is the lack of sleep from last week and also the concentration that comes with too much zoom.

I do find some zoom meetings quite intense especially when there are more people involved as my eyes are flicking backwards and forwards to the person whom is speaking, trying to take in everything they are saying and trying to retain the information. For me the retaining does not happen I have to make notes, so if they are talking fast…it’s gone and forgotten, well it is most of the time. The funny thing is I may not remember when it’s happening…a few days later or possibly weeks I might suddenly remember something that was said or something that happened, it’s like it’s been buried underneath something and it’s just been uncovered days later.

I think my memory is like… a teenagers bedroom…one big jumbled mess. ( I make reference to remembering ours in their teenage years)

We are out for our walk early as the sky is looking dark and not very inviting…who knows what another hour will bring!

Just as I thought, we arrive back from our walk and the heavens open. Great timing on the beach walk this morning 😊

It feels kinda strange today as it’s Funster Thursday and I am giving it a miss, think it’s the first time I have missed this zoom since I joined them…can’t remember when it was, it could have been March or April…just can’t remember.

I’m sat here writing my blog thinking of the great times we have had and the stupid things we get up to…at the same time I have the feeling of guilt as though I am being unfaithful to others. I don’t like discussing what I have done with some other people, as I feel we have lost that bond as our opinions are quite different and even clash at times. So best to just keep quiet and not talk about what I have been up to.

Even though most people know what I have been up to anyway because of my blog which is shared on Facebook and Twitter. Perhaps this is my problem being to open and honest.

Who knows!

Anyway let’s lighten things up a bit. Got my hubby into crafting now

He is going to make some different wooden flowers…different shapes, colours of wood, sizes. Just something a little different for the garden. This is his trial attempt and I think it pretty good and love the idea of having a flower arrangement of wooden flowers in the garden as a focal point.

Well it got too 11.40am and after fighting with my head, seeing an email from George, I click that link…I can not, give up on a Thursday Funster zoom! We have so much fun, it might get silly, but that’s what is so good.

It’s just a relaxing fun hour of silliness.

My words are not working today either! Dam sidekick Alzheimer’s playing around with my words, it like hide ‘n’ seek of words today. I can’t find or think of the right words, my describing is non existent today…just a lot of hand waving, pointing, gestures and head tapping…as if that’s really going to work!

Very frustrating at times I can tell you! You know the word but it just won’t appear, it’s like you have opened a book and some of the text is missing, so you have to try and fill in the gaps.

I have lunch then sit in my craft room, cutting out Christmas trees, snowflakes etc ready to make some Christmas cards. Very therapeutic in my crafting world.

Seem to have got a friend over the last week or two, hubby made me a bird table so I could watch the birds, the only bird we get is Sammy the Seagull.

Keeps having a go at the nuts, think it’s driving him nuts as he can’t get them, his beak or is it a bill? Is far to big for the tiny holes of the bird feeder.

I think he has an obsession with me as he sits on the skylight in my craft room and looks in on me…makes me jump!

I have been trying to get a photo of him through the skylight, but never seem to have my camera ready.

That’s enough for today…time to get my Pjs on and relax.

Diary – No Zoom for a few days

Wednesday 22nd June 2020

Last night me and hubby went for a bike ride as it was such a lovely evening . We live very close to the prom so I only have a very short distance down a road to travel on the bike before we reach the prom…where it’s traffic free.

Tonight I feel a little wobbly…thought I would be fine as I got into the ride.

We hadn’t been going long when I looked behind me to cross the road over to the prom, when I wobbled a bit and hit the kerb edge…how I managed to save myself I will never know.

Did shake me a little, but I still carried on our bike ride. I don’t give up easily!

The prom was busier than usual and our destination of Anchorsholme park was very busy. This was a little unnerving…I hate busy places at the best of times, and now the virus is still around I hate busy places even more.

We don’t hang around long, seen what we wanted to see as. The park has just gone through a major regeneration program.

It has taken around 18 months to build a huge underground storage tank that can hold the equivalent of 12 million sandcastle buckets, or five Olympic-sized swimming pools, of storm water! During times of heavy rain, these tanks will stop 12,000m3 of untreated storm water going into bathing waters along the coast by storing the excess water until we can put it back into the network and treat it.

There is now a new pumping station to replace the existing station on the promenade. This allows to screen and control what flows through the new pumping station and there has also been a new extended outfall pipe, which discharges the excess screened storm water out to sea. 

The project is now completed and a new children’s park has been added to finish off the regeneration. So it is looking really good.

Today I cancel my zoom meetings for a few days, just to give me a break and a bit of me time really and I am also expecting a delivery today.

I am also quite tired so it will give me time to recharge my batteries.

7.15am on the beach with Toby

Jelly fish around this morning

Back home time to sort myself out from the sandy dog walking attire

Then time to sort living room out as I have a new recliner chair being delivered after lunch. I can’t wait we ordered the chair before the lockdown came into place. I used to have one before we moved, it was faulty so we ended up taking it to the recycling centre. I have so missed that chair.

So today I was a little excited when it arrived

I had actually forgotten what we had ordered and didn’t realise it had a USB port, don’t even have to move to charge my phone or iPad how good is that!

The weather has taken a turn for the worst today…gone are the few days of sun we have had, the rain is back.

Peter calls me which was a surprise , we don’t speak as much as we used to as he is having trouble with his phone and iPad.

So a day of no Zoom…a little crafting but not much at all today.

Just Chillaxing!

Diary – Crafting ❤️

Tuesday 21st July 2020

Not a bad nights sleep for me…I woke a couple of times but managed to go straight back to sleep. I did feel exhausted yesterday, quite ill with being so tired.

Today is a new day, that’s the way I try to look at things so let’s see what today brings.

Firstly a walk on the beach with my four legged friends

I can see the Lake District this morning to my right and can just make Wales out to my left as it’s a little misty out to sea.

We have a good walk and I record my diarist diary as I walk. I would have liked the sound of the sea, but don’t think it’s picked the sea up this morning as the tide was way to far out.

Home and time to tidy round, get my things together, get changed and make a brew.

Me and George have been asked to speak at the 3 Nations Dementia Working Group Webinar this morning about crafting.

Something that I am passionate about, as during the lockdown crafting has kept me occupied and given me a feeling of ……. oh for goodness sake can’t think of the word.

It makes me feel good about myself any way, and I feel like I have achieved something.

You don’t have to be crafty to give things ago, it doesn’t have to be perfect. The fact that you have given it a go what ever it is you choose to do is the main thing just try things…try anything. It may not be a success the first…second or even third attempt.

Eventually you will create something you can look at and say “I did that” It is that feeling that is so good!

The fact people don’t believe people with dementia can do these things is even more of an achievement!

It might take us longer, but who cares!

We might forget what we are doing! So leave it and try again later or even another day.

Just keep trying!

I’m not saying it’s easy because sometimes I want to scream and shout at myself and i do. There are quite a few tantrums with my sidekick Alzheimer’s I tell you. But I keep on going.

As the saying goes ” if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again” and that is so true.

I have made all different types of Fairy Houses, painted, pebbles, carved a whistle, carved some little gnome heads…which look more like Father Christmas to be fair. Wrote poetry, something I thought I would never do.

Now I’m trying card making, the list of crafts are endless, so there will be something out there for you to try.

YouTube now that’s a test to try and get through the maze of how to make a video and upload…it’s a nightmare with or without dementia…but I did it. There was plenty of choice words I can tell you navigating around YouTube.

For me I seem to think everything will work if I turn the computer off and then turn it back on again! No it doesn’t always work, but for some reason I have to do it 😂

What ever way helps you.

I can not express how you feel getting totally lost in the moment of your crafting, and how you actually feel when you have produced something 😊

It’s good for your wellbeing too.

Crafting can alleviate stress, anxiety and depression. It also keeps your mind active which is good for you.

Now I have made a fidget bear, which has all different little things sewn / embroidered on to the bears top, from buttons, Velcro, different textures to touch.

Just another idea 💡

Diary – A little tired, a little deflated

Monday 20th July 2020

I don’t believe it…I go to bed early as shattered…it was about 9.20pm.

I woke at 1am and couldn’t get back to sleep…so I am now on the sofa. Better than previous nights as I am back in bed for 2am and slept until around 6.40am.

Well today I should have had family visiting but due to COVID they are now all in isolation…all have had to be tested as they have been in contact with someone who has unfortunately contracted the Covid virus.

This is still scary and for those who think it is over! It is very much still in our communities. We still have to be careful!

Just received a message from daughter this morning, she is clear but still has to isolate for 14 days.

Worrying as my grandson had open heart surgery last year so he is vulnerable…I am keeping everything crossed that they stay clear.

Doesn’t matter what age our children are, we never stop worrying. Then you have grandchildren, double the worry!

Must think positive they are all going to be fine!

I’m on the beach with Toby doing a longer walk this morning to take my mind off things.

This time of the year we are limited to what parts of the beach we can take our dogs on, so I take a photo of Mary’s Shell from a distance, with a painted pebble I found on the beach❤️

Toby posing for his beach photo as usual.

He is a very handsome Scottie 💙 well he is to me💙

I’m taking things slowly today as I am shattered, lack of sleep catching up with me now.

Zoomettes tonight and It’s someone else’s turn for the Desert Island Disks and their choice of music.

Brilliant choices of music from Mhari.

Only a short blog today…I am far to tired to think and write, struggling to remember what I have done today. Then again I had geared myself up for my daughter and grandsons to visit…so a little deflated.