Monday 17th November 2025

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The other Tuesday it was hubby’s day off work, but I woke with a fuzzy head, I think my sidekick thought it would be funny to just drop by and try and upset my day.

Hubby to the rescue, getting me out of the house in hope my sidekick would retreat.

First stop was The Barn for breakfast, the barn is a beautiful venue at Scorton which is beautiful decorated and adorned with flowers trailing from the rafters often this beautiful barn is used as a wedding venue. There is also a connecting ice cream parlour, gift shop and garden centre

After breakfast we head off to Wyresdale Park, this is a country estate nestled between woodlands and a lake, situated within the Forest of Bowland.

As soon as we park the car up out pops a beautiful little Robin, think he had come to say “hello”

Seeing a robin always brings a smile to my face, after a few clicks of my camera we start our walk making our way to the lake.

The lake is so tranquil, where the water lies still, like a sheet of glass, mirroring the pale blue sky and passing clouds.

Trees line the waters edge with their branches trailing, reflecting delicately in the water.

Birds flit among the branches, their songs echoing faintly through the forest

It’s a place where nature feels close and alive as my dementia world pauses for a while and I can breathe.

The little bird’s twittering behind us in the forest catches my attention, so we leave the waters edge.

In the forest the air feels cooler and damp, slithers of sunlight slip between tall trees creating patterns of light over the dampforest floor.

Fallen logs and tree trunks where fungi flourishes, clusters of cream fungi, tall toadstools with russet caps glistening from the moisture.

Robins dart between low branches, calling brightly. Nuthatches Great Tits, Blue Tits flit from tree to tree

All around us is life and also decay, side by side the fungi is rising from old rotten tree stumps, birds spreading seeds, as nature is endlessly renewing itself.

Nature certainly has a way of grounding us. Nature reconnects us with something so steady, so timeless, much more beautiful and powerful than our everyday worries.

Nature gives us what we need the most in life, stillness, connection, and the simple skills of being alive without needing to do anything.

Friday14th November 2025

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I was scrolling through social media the other night because i couldn’t sleep…I came across a reel.

Children were walking across a bridge with a solid wooded floor . The children looked around the age of 2 possibly 3 years old. What interested me was the bridge floor changed from solid wood to glass in certain areas across the bridge.

It was the reaction from the children that captured my attention, their reaction was very similar to mine when walking over certain types of flooring coverings, (which has happened since living with dementia)

So i decided to look into why this happens

Young children can find clear / transparent flooring, or highly polished floors, very difficult to navigate for developmental reasons it could be perceptual, and also psychological .

Mmm…just like some people living with dementia, their perceptions and vision changes.

Children’s visual systems are still maturing, so judging depth, distance, even heights can be challenging. A glass floor may appear like a gap or void rather than a solid surface, this will confuse their perception of whether it’s safe to walk on.

As we reach adulthood we tend to know from experience that a glass or shiny surfaces is solid, but young children don’t have enough lived experience to override that caution.

It is also about the brain and its cognitive development, the brain has to reassure us that the clear surface is safe to walk on, and you are not stepping “into nothingness.”

Clear and glossy floors can also trigger the fear of falling reflex. You get a perception of a hole or something very slippery. The naturally reflex becomes more instinctive than logical.

Shiny or transparent floors often create reflections, glare, which can distort the space you’re in. These visual effects can disorient children, and those living with dementia.

Young children’s brains and eyes are still learning and experiencing, so hesitation or distress is a very natural response.

As a person living with dementia these reflexes or instincts are very similar.

With dementia it’s not because our brain is maturing, it’s because the brain is declining.

There are many things that affect my perception.

A black wire across the floor can make me stop and take the biggest stride to get over it, which may sound stupid to some but my brain sees it as a gap or void in the floor.

Shiny floors look wet and slippery playing havoc with my brain

Patterns cause problems too, confusion and balance issues

Doors painted the same colour of walls, goodness everything just blends into one and I can’t find the door!

There are so many textures and colours that affect perceptions when living with dementia making things difficult when out and about.

I think i have mentioned before that stairs for me are a problem, I can so easily loose my footing, causing me to overbalance…Resulting in falls!

Thank goodness we live in a bungalow!

The Conclusion Is – Well it looks like parts of my brain is declining back to the development stage of a child.

Monday 10th November 2025

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Many of you will know that I have been living with dementia since 2019.

When I first received my diagnosis, my world felt like it had been turned upside down. I didn’t know how others would see, or react to my diagnosis. I had no idea how my life might change. Over time, I’ve learned that while dementia is part of my life’s story, it doesn’t define who I am.

I have come to realize just how invisible this illness can be. People often say, “You don’t look like you have dementia,” and while I know it’s meant kindly, it reminds me that what you see on the outside isn’t always what’s happening on the inside.

Disabilities, illnesses can’t always be seen!

On many days, I look okay, I smile, talk, and go about my normal routines. What people don’t see is the effort it takes to keep things together. Some days, my memory slips my focus on daily routines fade and slip away. I might forget a name, lose my train of thought, or feel suddenly overwhelmed by simple things.

Dementia isn’t always loud or obvious. It can be quiet, it’s a quiet confusion, a quiet exhaustion. Those are the moments that stay hidden from view, because on the outside, I look “fine.”

Despite challenges, I try my best to keep going. I’m adapting and adjusting all the time. I still make lists and write lots of notes and have a daily routine, although things do change from time to time. I am still me…dementia or as I say “my sidekick” is just something I live with.

Every time someone speaks kindly, waits patiently, or gently reminds me of something I’ve forgotten, means the world.

We don’t always know what others are going through. The person standing next to you might be living with dementia, chronic pain, or another invisible condition. They may be smiling on the outside and struggling silently inside.

I keep sharing my story — to raise awareness to encourage others, to bring understanding and a little education

Since 2019, dementia has made changes, but it’s also taught me, the value of slowing down, the importance of laughter, and the strength that comes from sharing stories.

Some days are difficult, they are still my days.

There is still joy, love, and a little bit of purpose in my life, some days more than others as I do struggle sometimes.

By speaking openly, I hope to help others understand that not all disabilities can be seen.

We never truly know what someone might be carrying inside.

Friday 7th November 2025

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One of the hardest challenges about dementia for me is accepting my memory is going worse

When hubby is working and I have no zoom meetings, my memory is fine! Mmm, slight exaggeration by me!

The truth is, I just don’t have to think as much. I just potter around my home in Gail’s world…

Quiet, uninterrupted space of tranquility.

There are no voices asking questions.

No background noises from phone reels, tv, radio or computer screens

I don’t have to explain anything

I don’t have to speak

I’m just in my own little world of tiding around our house and garden.

Everyday I walk with my dogs, always early morning before the majority of people rise from their beds, that way i don’t have to make conversation with anyone.

I even check if the coast is clear when needing to attend the garden at the front of our house so I don’t have to make conversation with our neighbours.

If there are no questions or conversations, my brain is calm, I’m calm.

When conversations arise and questions are asked, my brain has to work. It is then my brain and sidekick get into a battle of conflicting confusion.

If you ask me where something is and I answer “I don’t know”…I really mean, I do not know!

It’s no good trying to ask the question in a different context…I still won’t know!

It really doesnt matter how many times you ask me where something is, if I have said I don’t know where the item is…I’m not going to remember!!

The more times I’m asked, the more agitated and angry I will become, until BANG!

OVERLOAD!!

HEAD EXPLODED!!

VOICE RAISED!

OUT OF CONTROL!

You have now lost Gail…Sidekick taken over!!!

I now have no control of what comes out of my mouth, if I appear angry I’m sorry but this is what happens when you overload my brain.

Gail – Loves the peace and tranquility, the calm.

Sidekick – Loves to take over and create a monster! …

That’s dementia for you very unpredictable.

Simple solution

Don’t keep questioning you will only make matters worse.

If you ask a person living with dementia where something is and they don’t know…They don’t know!

End of!

You will just have to look for the item on your own

No one can restore my memory, it’s something my brain can no longer access.

Dementia involves progressive changes in my brain and functions. While some memories have been retained, others are lost, as my dementia progresses.

Just think how it makes me feel, when it’s brought to my attention that I’ve forgotten or lost something else!

You are just reminding me, my dementia is getting worse!

Monday 3rd November 2025

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Over the past few months many of you will know I have been struggling with my mood and lack of interest in my art and crafts. The lack of interest in things is not like me, im normally full of energy and raring to go.

I’m an always looking for new things to do kind a person.

Since my sidekick emerged I have had the attitude of keeping my brain busy in order to hopefully keep it ticking over for longer.

Then something happened…I lost interest

A few said I was depressed, but I know what depression feels like and this feeling was different, I’ve heard that many with dementia can suffer with what’s called …Apathy

Depression and apathy can look similar because both involve low motivation and energy, but they are different!

Depression is a mental health condition characterized by persistent feelings of sadness, emptiness, and hopelessness. It’s where your mood is low nearly every day and you have a loss of interest in activities, your sleep patterns may change and feelings of worthlessness, which sometimes comes with suicidal thoughts

⛔️Warning there is strong language at the end of this clip

Apathy is a lack of motivation and interests. You really don’t have any motivation to start anything new, and you just feel so flat. Apathy is more about lack of drive/interest, not necessarily persistent sadness like depression.

With apathy, you may not feel especially sad…You just feel indifferent.

For me, it’s the lack of interest for the things I once loved, this apathy thing has made me detach and become distant.

At the moment I am still pushing myself to reconnect, and tune back into the motivated Gail.

I may appear as detached but I can assure you I’m not depressed, I am still smiling.

Friday 31st October 2025

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Mid October I had a really bad week with my sidekick

You know it’s a bad week when there’s more sticky notes all over my desk, diary and work surfaces to jog my memory. Sticky notes appear on anything and everything!

It was my Mums birthday on the 16th October and didn’t want to miss wishing her a happy birthday, more sticky notes placed the evening before. This time they were placed at the side of my bed so when I wake, there will be the square yellow note to remind me!

More yellow notes are strategically placed around the house, reminders to do this that and the other. My notice board has daily reminders and updates…Not that I always remember to look…Or should I say read, digest and act upon.

I never know what sort of a day it’s going to be when my sidekick takes hold, I can wake up feeling fine then after an hour or so I can be in a confused mess. Sometimes I wake with that heavy fuzzy feeling in my head which lingers throughout the day. Hate that heavy fuzzy lingering feeling.

It’s when those kinda days take hold that I can only do what I can. 9 times out of 10, i will return to bed to bury myself under my comfy blanket. I do however emerge every now and then, just to check if my sidekick is still around.

I always try to take my morning walk with the dogs, In hope I can leave my sidekick on the beach!

Walking does ease the confusion slightly, making it more bearable. Its the having to return home, knowing the confusion and the heavy fuzz could return.

Simple things like answering a FaceTime call becomes confusing, wrong buttons are pressed cutting people off.

FaceTime on a normal day without the interference of my sidekick is straightforward. I can answer calls without any confusion. It’s one of those things that I just do automatically. But when my sidekick is around, it’s the simple things that become difficult.

Dressing can be difficult, clothes inside out, wrong way round. I’m Always telling myself off! “Gail what are you doing” as I remove clothing in an attempt to get them the right way round.

Conversations are hard to understand and digest, noise from tv or radio. The noise from a phone becoming so irritating almost unbearable.

It’s the simplest of things, the everyday tasks that we do without thinking that always become a challenge on a bad day.

Today after a few days of confusion my head is starting to feel more like Gail and less like my sidekick…

There is light at the end of the tunnel, just clambering to get there!

Wednesday 29th October 2025

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Diary taken from Thursday 23rd October

Phones pings, when I reach and open the screen, there is a message

Hi Gail hope all’s well! We’ve heard that researchers have been given millions of pounds to speed up diagnosis and improve quality of life through an ‘AI assistant’.

I was wondering if it would be possible to have a chat today about this to get your view 🙂

The message was from the lovely Stan, who is a multimedia news and sports reporter . I have done a couple of interviews for him in the past so I know how things work, and most importantly I always feel comfortable at at ease.

The interview via zoom, doesn’t last too long, due to preparations I had made earlier. I find it so much easier to jot down a few notes beforehand, that way I don’t get too flummoxed when brain goes into empty mode and I can’t find my words.

Plus the best thing about radio interviews is

1. You can’t see me

2. If I do make a cock up, it can be edited.

3. Not aired for 24hours

After the interview, we have a little chat before we say our goodbyes, wishing each other a wonderful weekend.

Now I have to wait until tomorrow (Friday 24 Oct ) to make sure I haven’t made an idiot of myself!

I’m always a little nervous when I hear my own voice and I was surprised to hear quite a few clips played throughout the morning

I think the first clip was around 6am, then every hour until 12pm. All slightly different around the same topic of how I felt when I received my diagnosis

I didn’t get all the recordings, but if you would like to listen I have attached 3 clips at the end of this blog

I just hope that if there is millions of pounds available to speed up the diagnosis process, I hope there is money set aside for training healthcare professionals.

Also most importantly Not forgetting the support that will be needed to support the person receiving diagnosis & their families.

Monday 27th October 2025

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Sometimes dementia is very unpredictable, especially when you least expect. A few simple words can ignite a flare up of confusion and anger.

When dementia interferes with how the brain communicates, the person living with may become disoriented and confused, this can put the person who is conversating feeling like they are walking on eggshells.

Communication and conversations can become unpredictable.

Dementia is a crafty one and can change how a person interprets words, tone of voice, facial expressions, even body language. What once felt so natural when in conversation, might now trigger confusion, distress, or even anger without a clear reason. This makes the person, carer, or loved ones feel under pressure to get everything “just right” to avoid upsetting or igniting dementia into a mad frenzy.

When speaking to my Dad, whom i believe to be in the later stages of dementia. Every person has to be so careful not to mention certain subjects or certain people, otherwise we could have a major flare up of him being so angry and argumentative.

Interaction can sometimes feel delicate, it can be confusing for both parties. It feels like dementia has the ability to change someone in an instant.

It’s then you become torn between wanting to protect them and wanting to communicate authentically. It makes interaction feel delicate, you become totally aware of their vulnerability and all you want to do is just preserve the peace.

It’s like dementia is slowly wearing away a person’s sense of control without them even realising.

Dementia might be unpredictable, but remember not all of the brain is equally affected all at once, moments of true connection can still break through.

Friday 24th October 2025

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As I ease myself back into meetings, I have promised myself

1. Not to take anything on when it’s hubby’s day off work. ( that’s our time )
2. No more than 2 meeting per week, 3 absolute tops
3. Cut blogs down to just Mondays and Fridays to see how that goes.
4. Spend less time on social media
5. Not pressurising one’s self to create a piece of art work every day! ( art is to be enjoyed not forced )
6. Take more time for myself
7. Spend more quality time with hubby
8. Do the things that make me happy!

Less stress when living with my sidekick in tow has to be healthier

Stress can worsen symptoms such as confusion, agitation, memory loss, and difficulty communicating. A calm place, helps you feel more secure, in control, which makes my sidekick easier to cope with.

I have realised by taking a break, I am less stressed.

It’s not only the attending meeting that stresses me out, it’s all of the preparation work that goes into the meeting before hand. It’s not as easy as just sitting on a zoom call for an hour when living with dementia!

Don’t get me wrong I love to be involved and I’m not complaining. It is just taking me sometime to realise what my own abilities are now my sidekick is working alongside me!

I can’t rush around anymore from meeting to meeting it scrambles my head, making me tired, confused and irritable.

I’m sure people would rather i attended just a few meetings when I’m able to function better, rather than pushing myself into a frenzy, not able to digest anything that is said.

We all have different ways of working, some of us can take on much more than others, some of us enjoy to have the busy life of the non stop meetings.

There is no right or wrong way.

The important thing to realise, what is right for you!

Just because Joe Bloggs is involved in anything and everything, doesn’t mean it’s what you have to do!

Listen to you!

Don’t forget we are not all the same

We are all unique, it’s definitely not one size fits all

2025

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Wednesday 8th October 2025. I was invited by my Admiral nurse Maxine to share my story with some nursing staff

Sharing my experiences with others does feel like I’m releasing something that I carry inside, it makes me feel both vulnerable and also empowered. When i open up about what I have been through, it often creates a sense of connection, it gives people an insight in to my world, inviting a better understanding of my dementia chapter.

There is always a feeling of mixed emotions for me, I suppose it’s a little relief in sharing how I live with my sidekick in tow, even though I am also nervous about being judged.

When I have finished it’s a sense of relief, accomplishment and also pride in sharing something meaningful. Most are shocked when I disclose that I was diagnosed in 2019 At the age of 54, I suppose it’s the reality hitting home that dementia can strike anyone at any age.

Speaking about my experiences aloud, helps me make sense of my own situation, it grounds me and reminds me that I’m not alone, I do have great support in the way of my Admiral Nurse Maxine and Julie.

I think it also gives me clarity on how far I have come and who I am now.

It’s when others respond with interest, it brings a feeling joy. It’s then i realize that people are listening, and if only 1 person “gets it,” it’s better than non at all

I wonder if it’s the empathy from others that makes me feel connected.

It’s the connection I need, that gives me a purpose.