Diary – Finding “Me”

Friday 6th May 2022

I have often spoke about fitting in or trying to fit in

There are people we gel with and find it easier to talk with, have fun with and share problems with.

But is life really about fitting in?

Do I have to fit it

Or is it about being me!

Why should i try to fit in! Mould myself into something I’m not comfortable with.

I have realised, it’s not about fitting in…it’s about “being me”

When you are being yourself everything comes from your heart, usually unfiltered, we just go with our first thoughts.

Sometimes I suppose people are upset by, as it’s normally the truth.

To be me means that I embrace the authenticity of myself ( that’s a big word to try and say now!)

There is no right or wrong way to be myself. It is simply just being me!

I needed to find and embrace the “me” in my life. That sometimes felt uncomfortable.

I have been working through a process of finding “me” I do think my diagnosis of Early Onset Alzheimer’s definitely confused me, making it difficult to find who I really am.

The world gives so many distractions, opinions, truths, and pressures that I was finding it hard to know where the real me began.

My role in life has changed which has been difficult to come to terms with. I was always in charge, organising people from a supervisor, to a manager to owning my own business.

Now my role now has dramatically changed. No longer managing and organising. Im just a wife, mother, daughter, stepmother, grandma, and a friend. These are my roles.

I think it is important to say, i am not passing any judgments here.

I am just trying to accept and appreciate all the experiences I have encountered over the last few years, in what is, the new chapter in my life.

The experience that I have taken with me over the last 3 years have empowered me to be the person I am today.

Acceptance and appreciation is the key to me being “me”

Embracing the real “me” meant that family, friends and acquaintances may have felt uncomfortable with me. Even though this has been an uncomfortable process for me too. I had to embrace the moments the best I could to find out who I am.

Some friendships that I cherished ended due to my dementia. Friends believing that I am no longer the same person I used to be. That’s how some see dementia.

What is an important thing to remember is , I still cherish those severed friendships along with the experiences because I was lucky to have them in my life.

The reality was that these people were unable to see “me”. They only saw the “me” they wanted “me to be”

The people that have accepted “me” I am happy to say our friendship / relationships are stronger.

For me to “be me” I have to be comfortable with myself, in my own skin and to let go of what and who is preventing me from being my self.

I think now, I have a better understand of my values and I am learning to letting go of anything toxic that may surround me.

After all I’m just trying to find “me”

My latest podcast Episode 4, you can listen by clicking below

I share my experiences of the benefit system